Private Blogging

I am making preparations to make this blog private. If you are following along, whether you are a regular commenter or lurker, please leave a comment with your email address so I can provide you access. Or, feel free to drop me an email. It's ironic to say (with my posting on the world wide web) that this is necessary to protect my family, but given the recent revelations of people snagging photos without permission, I feel this is an important step to protect my son's identity.

I really don't want to lose any of my readers, because you have all become such good friends to me :) So I am sending this open invitation now to anyone who wants access.

And, Thanks Jill for the html code that prevents people from copying your pics! That was so helpful! If you want details, Jill or I can share the code with you.

So this is goodbye...

Dear Friend,

You and I have grown so close over the last 4 months of my life. When I think back on all the times I needed comforting, you were there for me. When I couldn't be quiet during church, you were there. Through my MANY, MANY ear infections, I knew I could always count on you... Dangling from my bib, I always could find you within my grasp.



If I was missing my Mommy and Daddy while I was at daycare, you reminded me they would be back soon. I chose to play with you rather than take naps like my classmates. My teachers always brought you back to me when I dropped you. Yes, you and I have become the best of friends.




But today Mommy is taking you away from me. She keeps saying I am now 4 months old, and that you could really affect my teeth (whatever that is), or [gasp] that it could be you causing my ear infections. I know better--you would never hurt me. I overheard Mommy say that I only get you back if I begin to suck on my thumb, because "Mommy can't take my thumb away." Until then, our lives shall take different paths, but I will be missing you tremendously, my friend. It makes me sad just to think about it.



Sincerely,
Baby K

Baby K...

Meet our son. He is feeling so much better.

After the Allergist....

I am relieved to say we have a game plan. The allergist believes this very well is an allergy issue. We went ahead and tested Baby K for milk and egg allergies and he tested negative. [Imagine me doing my happy dance....] Nutramigen is not necessary. Yippee!!!!! We can slowly begin switching him back to Gentlease. Dr. S also said to hold off on tubes for now. So, we will be finishing up our antibiotic, continueing with the chiropractic adjustments, and hopefully [fingers crossed] this will work. Dr. S feels as if we are on the downhill side of things. She did suggest doing Nasalcrom 1 squirt in each side of nose 2 times a day. Dr. S says this is as safe as water--no steroids or anything. K and I are almost convinced of pulling Baby K out of daycare. My mom is begging me to quit work and watch him, and I think we may eventually give in. If it will keep him healthier, it's definitely worth it. We need a little more time to think this through though.

Never-the-less, thank you all for you advice. I'm not totally anti-tubes. I think if someone can tell me that it would really cut back on the ear infections, it may be worth it. But, let me remind you the ENT says he will continue to be sick as long as he's in daycare with tubes.

I'm pro-whatever makes my baby feel better. I don't want to keep pumping him full of antibiotics.

When it rains, it pours....my car over-heated today in the drive-thru line. My dad suspects it's the thermostat which is relatively cheap to fix. All in all, it's still been a good day :)

Checking in...

Yes, we are still sick. Or shall I say, Baby K is still sick. He has now officially been sick half of his existance on earth. It's really sad.

To catch you all up to date, 05/18/09 he was diagnosed with his third double ear infection in less than 5 weeks. This ear infection was treated with two rounds of rocephin antibiotic shots. Last Monday, on 05/25/09 we were told his ears were clear.

He also had 2 chiropractic adjustments last week as a preventitive. On Friday, 05/29/09 I had to take him back to the Dr. because he has ANOTHER ear infection, except this time he also has a sinus infection. We've been prescribed a 20 day antibiotic (this makes our 5th) and he also is having to have breathing treatments when he takes his coughing attacks (which I failed to mention, he has had this cough since 04/08/09, the first ear infection and the dr. continued to think it was viral).

Now that he's had about 6 breathing treatments, the cough is almost completely gone. To say I am frustrated is an understatment. We had an appointment with an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist today who said "Tubes, tubes, tubes..." before even looking in Baby K's ears. The dr. also switch his formula last week to Nutramigen...whew!!! That hurt. It costs about $25 for 12.6 oz can which barely lasts 2 days...

The ENT told me today that the chiro is a complete waste of money. I am willing to give it more time before I schedule the surgery, because he (the ENT) also said that as long as Baby K was in daycare he would continue to stay sick even with tubes because "he is just one of those babies who stay sick all the time." Also, my gut feeling is that Baby K is allergic to something. K had tubes as a baby which did not work because he had such bad allergies.

So, I am completely confused. I have no idea what to do. I have an appt tomorrow with an allergy doctor (our 5th doctor, probably 5th different diagnosis). I'm thinking after all is said and done, we'll just draw straws as to who is right...

Advice? Anyone?

Kris Allen

Isn't it great to have a Christian American idol? Check out this clip I saw on Kelly's blog. I wanted to share it with all of you:

Ear infection from H, E, double L

Yes, folks. You read correctly. We have our third double ear infection in 6 weeks. My poor baby. I had to take Baby K back to the doctor yesterday for the same symptoms. Vomiting, not eating, coughing, fever, fussiness...all our tell-all syptoms of a classic Baby K ear infection. My intuition was correct. Both ears are still infected. No more oral meds. We brought out the big guns. Baby K got 2 shots of antibiotics in his legs yesterday. K stayed home with him today and took him to his 24 hr. re-check. Baby K got 2 more shots today. My poor baby boy. He's a human pin cushion. Hopefully, these shots (which I will add were traumatic for K to watch) will kick this Ear infection in the bum and it'll march itself on to new living quarters. It's taken up residency way too long in my little man's ears, and overstayed it's welcome! And, Baby K's cough has been so severe that he has lyrangitis. Have you ever heard a baby cry with Lyrangitis. It's so pitiful....

Feel better soon, little man!

Last year on mothers day, I wrote this post. At this time in my life, I really felt that I would never celebrate Mother's Day.

This year, I am a Mom. But, I'll be honest, I felt Mother's Day was bittersweet. The sweet part is that I got to hold my precious son, a child I never anticipated I would hold just 12 months ago. In fact, this year I won the mother with the youngest baby award at our church. My church is rather large, so this came as a huge surprise to me. If someone would have told me last May this would happen this year, I would have told them they were crazy....

The bitter part was that my heart was still so heavy for the women who are still waiting on their miracles. This pain is still fresh for me, and it probably has scarred my heart forever. Ladies, I'm still praying for you. I'm praying for God to give you your miracles, and for Him to give you patience in the time between. I pray this day wasn't hard for you, and if it was, I pray that God gave you the comfort you needed.

I hope you all are having a wonderful week so far!

Weekly ramblings...

It's Friday night at 9:45, and what's that sound? Could this be silence? Could my precious baby boy be finally sleeping? Oh my--I do believe it is. Whew!

I don't mean to sound as if I am complaining, because I do realize how blessed I am to have a baby that I can just put down to bed, and he will soothe himself to sleep. We, well...K, put Baby K on a schedule a few weeks ago. He gets a bath at 8:30, bottle at 8:45, and he is in bed at 9:00. This schedule has worked great for him since he began daycare a few weeks ago.

Speaking of daycare, my sweet Baby K refuses to nap during the day. I mean, "yay for me..." cause that means he sleeps at night (and if you read my prior post, then you know how important sleep is for me). But I worry that he may be extrememly fussy during the day. Just one day this week, his daily sheet stated that he napped from 8:30-8:35; 9:30-9:35; 12:00-12:30. [I have no clue why they even listed the first two. I don't really consider 5 minutes a nap.]

On another note, I stayed out of work Thurs and today because we have our 2nd double ear infection. [That makes 2 in 3 weeks.] Baby K has been so fussy the past 48hrs. [Now, you know why I am enjoying the moment of temporary silence that I am currently experiencing.] This infection began much like the last one. He began to be fussy when we would lay him down, but he was his usual happy self if he was sitting upright. Then, the vomiting began, followed by his refusal to eat...So today, "Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to the dr. we go." A doctor bill and antibiotic later, my suspicions were confirmed.

Yesterday, I also found out that someone I went to high school with lost her battle with Cancer. She was 28 years old, and is leaving behind a husband, a five year old son, and two year old daughter. I am completely heartbroken for this family. But, what an amazing testimony she is leaving behind. Never once did her love for the Lord waiver during her battle. And she fought up until the last breath. That makes my heart smile, because I know that Satan really gave a full effort to take her away from God. So take that Mr. Satan! You never got her, and now she is singing praises with the Lord! [Tomorrow is the receiving services and Sunday the burial for this extraordinary woman. If you think of it, please pray for them.]

So, in a nut shell, that has been my week. How has your week been?

New Revelations....

During the past 10 weeks of motherhood, I have learned many important life lessons.

--I never knew I could function on such few hours of sleep. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I love, love, love to sleep. In fact, it's my favorite hobby. I was always in the bed early at night, and could sleep until noon if allowed. Now, I am lucky to get in 5 good hours of sleep per night with Baby K still waking up 2 times per night.

--The maker of caffeine pills is brilliant for those of us who really don't like coffee. I confess. I am a caffeine junkie. I love anything manufactured to give you energy. Re.d Bu.ll, caffeine pills, etc. Give me more!!!! (Giving this stuff up was the most difficult part of my pregnancy.) Why do I need energy, you ask? See above. You get the same "pick me up" without the after-taste.

--I probably wouldn't need all of the energy items if I would exercise. That's suppose to make you feel better.

--I hate exercising!

--I use to hate when I was little and my mom would lick her finger to wipe a little smudge off of my face. Well, I have became my mother. I find myself licking my finger to wipe off Baby K's milk mustashe. This really is a nasty habit, but it serves it's purpose.

--Daycare has really put a great, big, HUGE dent in our wallets. I really have to control my need to splurge when I am out shopping.

--Baby K is growing up WAYYYYYYYY too fast. Over the past week, I have had to pack away all of his newborn and 0-3 months clothes. He's already 10 weeks old! That just seems crazy to me.

--I miss being pregnant. Even when I was so sick with morning sickness, I really enjoyed being pregnant. I miss it. K and I couldn't even consider trying for #2 at this point in our lives. But, it makes me look forward to the day that we are expecting another little one.

--I hope trying for #2 comes a little easier. If it takes 5 years, Baby K would be beginning kindergarten!!!! (And that's if we started trying today!)


So far, those are the important life lessons I can think of. I'm sure that this list will continue to grow in the days ahead.

Hope you all are having a wonderful Wednesday!

website for "Mommy's Answered Prayers" onesie...

This onesie was ordered from this website. Check it out. They have Christian clothing for babies and toddlers.

Look who's 9 weeks old.....

My dear friend, Deidre, bought Baby K this onesie...isn't it perfect? Thanks so much Deidre!!!! We love it!

Week of firsts....

This has been my first week back at work. It has been really difficult getting back into the swing of things. My co-workers have been really supportive of me. I am happy to say that I can now see the top of my desk. I didn't realize how much paperwork one could accumulate in 8 weeks.

My return to work also means that this was Baby K's first week of daycare. On Monday morning K and I took Baby K to drop him off. His teacher had made a sign to hang on his classroom door which read, "Welcome K." My eyes teared up when I kissed him bye, but I fought back the tears. Monday was a very hard day for me. Leaving my poor, innocent child with people I barely knew. What if he needed me? Would they take as good care of him as I do? It was a day full of questions. I called around lunch to check on him, and I was told he was doing wonderful. He had slept most of the day. K picked him up on Monday, because I have school. So, I didn't get to lay my eyes on my child until 9pm that night! It was a terribly long day, but I survived.

When I got home from class on Monday, all I wanted to do was love on Baby K. As soon as I picked him up, he started crying. K told me that he had been so fussy all evening. He had a cough that was just starting and his nose was yucky. So, this was also Baby K's first cold. Baby K spent his first night sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's room sitting up in his bouncy seat.

On Tuesday, Baby K went to daycare, but I called to see how he was since he was so fussy the night before. His cough had gotten so much worse and he was now running a low-grade fever. [Impecable timing!] On Wednesday, I missed my first day of work, since returning from Maternity leave (yes, that's a whole two days later) to take my sick little boy to the doctor. He has his first ear infection(s). Thank heavens the doctor gave him an antiobiotic.

Yesterday my mom kept him for me so I could work. Today, our daycare is closed in observance of the Easter holiday, so K's sister is keeping him. So--we have paid $170 for 2 days of daycare this week... Good times....

And lest I forget, this will be Baby K's first Easter. I can't wait to take him to church Sunday in his new Easter outfit, but more importantly, I can't wait until he's old enough to understand the true meaning of Easter.

Ask Anything response (part 2)

Charne asked, "share with us how you managed to keep the faith while trying to concieve, and on those rough days what did u do to make it easier? how did infertility affect your hubbys faith?"

Charne, I wish I could say that it was easy for me to keep the faith while trying to conceive. The low-down-dirty-truth is that it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. There were many days that I didn't have faith at all. I spent many hours questioning God or worse, directing my anger toward Him. Somehow, someway I just slowly let all of those emotions go. Getting pregnant was still just as important to me, but it didn't hurt quite as much. I learned to keep my faith by surrounding myself with supportive people. I asked so many people to pray for me during this time in my life. I believe their prayers carried me through this valley.

On those rough days, I would toss myself a pity-party. I would have a good cry (cause its my party, and I could cry if I want to :) and I would reach out in the blogging world for a shoulder to cry on. In my real life, there was only two people who I truly believed understood what I was going through--my husband and a friend from church who had too walked in my shoes. But, eventually, I would just get over-it and the next day (or day after that) would be better.

Infertility wasn't as big of a giant for my husband. He wasn't the problem in our inability to conceive, so I don't feel as if it took a toll emotionally on him as it did on me. However, with that said, he was so supportive of me during this time that I don't think I really gave him the opportunity to let it affect him. (As I was laid open on the operating table awaiting the birth of our son, I thanked him for being the wonderful man/husband that he is. He could have left me...but he stayed, even when we were told that biological children were not in our future. I know if our roles were reversed that I would have been as supportive of him. I love him just as much.)

K and I did deal with infertility differently. I was more "outward" while he never showed his emotion. I know it affected him, but he never let me see it because I felt so "fragile."

Eventually, I....

Will finish the post next time...

Ask Anything response (part 1)

Joy asked: What was your first job?! Did you go to college and if so, where? What was your degree in?

Joy, my first job was at a supermarket as a cashier. I started working a week before my 15th birthday and have been working ever since! I wouldn't technically consider that a "real" job since I was only part time. My first what I consider "real" job was an office assistant for the company I currently work for. I have been employed here for almost 11 years. Now, I am a retail accountant and I handle the books and financial statements for 6 customers.

My current bachelor's degree is in Accounting. I went to school here. But, I am really in need of a career change, so I decided last fall to go back to school to become a Middle Grades teacher. I am currently working on my second bachelor's degree from here.

Charne, I got your question also, and I am working on the post. I hope to have it up in a few days.

If anyone else can think of anything you want to know, just ask. Right now, I am confused on the direction this blog needs to take. It began as an infertility blog. At some point, when I begin trying for baby #2, it probably will resume being an infertility blog. However, right now, it just doesn't seem appropriate for where I am in my life.

Ask anything...

Lately, I have really struggled with topics to write about. My blog has really been pushed to the back burner with caring for Baby K. Many of you have kiddo's of your very own, or are very close, so you don't mind reading about my experiences as a new parent. Many of you are still waiting, and the last thing you want to read is the topics I have been blogging on. If you are still waiting, please know I am still praying!

Anyway, so I am coming to you for help. Ask me anything? Is there something you want to know about me? It can be about infertility, my marriage, my faith, or anything in between. So, ask me anything...

Latest Newsflash...

Hold on to the edge of your seats friends! I have earth shattering news to share! Well, maybe not earth shattering, but it's pretty darn good news I think. This weekend I began packing away all those maternity clothes that had taken up residency in my closet the past 10 months. I thought just for kicks I would try to squeeze into a pair of my old jeans...just to see how much work I still have left to do. And believe it or not, I was able to get my jeans on. Be it as it may, I had to lay down on my bed and suck in for dear life, but I was able to get them buttoned. This made my day!! It will still be awhile before I can wear any of them comfortably, or else I would probably turn blue from lack of oxygen, but I am certainly making progress! I am most definitely looking forward to my wardrobe expanding instead of my waistline.

On other news, I visited the daycare that Baby K will be starting 2 weeks from today [gasp!]. I can't believe that he will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. This was my first visit. I hadn't really felt the need to visit since one of my MIL's friends works in the nursery. Let's just say, Baby K is no longer going to be enrolling in this daycare. I was so disappointed. First, my MIL's friend wasn't even there, so maybe that's why I left feeling uneasy about placing him in their care. However, I felt like I had just walked into an orphanage. The room was so tiny and cluttered. I had expected something totally different. So, I left and called K and explained my insecurities. I later stopped by a daycare closer to my home and I accepted their last vacant spot in the infant room. It was a top of the line facility...it cost a little more money each week and the registration fee--which has to be paid yearly--is more than expected, but I can justify the extra expense just to feel comfortable where Baby K is cared for. [Let me just say, I think a registration fee is a ripoff!]

So, that's the latest. I hope you all are having a wonderful week. The sun is shining here in NC and I admit to having a bit of summer fever! I am so bummed by cold weather and I can't wait until the flowers begin to bloom and I can spend my days outside with my Little Man...

Oh...go give Mandy some love. She's less than 3 weeks away from delivery! And I've never been happier for my dear friend Jill. Go give her some love too!

He's one month old....

I can't believe that Baby K is already one month old! He had his 4 week check up yesterday, and he's already up to 9 lbs 3 oz. That makes him in the 35%. That's quite an acomplishment for a little guy who was suppose to be so small.

He also had to get a shot. The nurse told me, "Now mom, his face is going to get really red and he's probably going to cry, but this is necessary to keep him healthy." She was right. He did cry...and I felt my eyes fill up with tears trying to comfort him. It was horrible--not for him. He only cried for a minute. For ME!!! Okay, so I only cried for a minute too, but it broke my heart to see him in pain even if it was only for a nano-second.

Last night wasn't so good. Baby K wouldn't eat much yesterday, and he didn't sleep well either. I feel like a zombie today! I was up and down most of the night with him. He hasn't napped well today either. I hope it's not like this everytime he gets shots.

He is starting to get his own little personality. I'll insert here that he gets his lack of patience from his father. Actually, he gets all bad qualities from his dad, right? In the last few days I have noticed that he tries to smile now. I've even heard what I thought may be a little laugh from him.

I love Kenny Chesney's song, "Don't Blink." It's so true. I feel as if I blinked and a month is gone! I just can't believe he's already a month old!

Parenting after Infertility....

I have had this blog swimming around in my head for the past 3 weeks. I couldn't seem to find the time to get it down to share with caring for a newborn. It's hard to believe that my son will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. Where has the time gone?

If I had it to do over again, I would still opt for a c-section. I checked into the hospital on 02/10/09 around 5:30 a.m. I had to give my medical history and get the IV started, but at a little after 7 a.m. I was taken into the operating room for my epidural. Baby K entered the world at 7:53 a.m., and it was all over with. I was a mommy.

My first week at home was rough. I don't mean this in a way that sounds ungrateful, but I was completely overwhelmed. Call it postpartum, call it anxiety, but I believe that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I couldn't eat. I was so emotionally distraught that I was vomiting and had major stomach issues. As I would get up to feed Baby K, all I could think was, "I don't know if I can do this..." I believe I was having a hard time bonding with Baby K. It's almost as if I didn't know how to find closure for the chapter in my life titled "infertility."

The second week was much better. Perhaps I was getting use to the sleep deprivation. Baby K wakes every 2 hours to nurse, so I decided to supplement him with some formula also. This relieved some of the stress from breast feeding off of me. Now, I nurse during the day and he takes bottles at night. Even though he still wakes every 2-2.5 hours, I easily get out of bed and greet him with open arms. I love to watch his facial expressions while he is sleeping. He smiles, and it melts my heart.

Infertility robbed me from so many good moments in our lives over the last five years. I don't know how I did it, but I finally kissed goodbye to that evil curse. I will say that parenting is much harder than I expected it to be. Most days I feel as if I am a zombie. But infertility gave me something very special that I had failed to recognize: I have so much love, appreciation, and thanksgiving for this little life. I don't know that if I had gotten pregnant easily that I would feel so blessed by his presence in my life. I have never loved anyone in the way that I love my son. The bond that I now share with him is incomparable to any other bond I've ever felt before.

Yesterday at church, my associate pastor sang a song that says, "Somebody's praying, I can feel it. Somebody's praying for me." I can't express my gratitude to the people who prayed for me during this time in my life. I am still praying for those of you waiting on your answered prayers faithfully. I pray for God to give you peace admist your waiting.

I'll leave you with these:

Introducing....

Hello Ladies! Please meet our son:

Baby K
Born @ 7:53 a.m. 02/10/09
7lbs 6 oz.
21" long

The doctors were so wrong. He wasn't little at all. He's absolutely perfect. More to come later!

It's official....

After Tuesday's follow up ultrasound to measure growth and my regular doc appt yesterday, it appears that Baby K will grace us with his beautiful presence Tues, Feb 10, around 9 a.m. via c-section. He will be delivered by our amazing doctor, Dr. R, who I completely trust with both of our health.

Tuesday's ultrasound was precautionary. It definitely seems that Baby K will be on the smaller side. His head is measuring in the 19th percentile, his legs are measuring in the 22nd percentile, and his abdomen is measuring in at 26th percentile. Dr. R says that although he will be "small" he will appear to be a little chunky :) This makes mom and dad really happy.... I was so worried he was going to be "preemie" small. We found out that he is estimated to weigh right at 6lbs right now. Dr. R said he could realistically make me wait another week since I am due Feb 17. However, for nutritional reasons it is best he come early.

Thank you all for your comments on our photo's. I was somewhat hesitant to post them. I want to be sensitive to all of your feelings. I know so many of you are still waiting on your miracles, and I hope you know that I pray every day that your time is drawing near.

The Last Days....

These are just a few sneak peaks of the pregnancy portraits we had made. Enjoy!

Sorry for the delay...

I am a week over-due writing the update on the level 2 ultrasound. Things are crazy busy right now. I am back in school Monday and Wednesday nights, and I am trying to get ready to welcome Baby K into the world in 3 weeks. (EEEEKKKK!!!! THREE weeks people!)

Long story short, Baby K seems to be well. The ultrasound did show that he has what's called a hydrocele in his private area. But from what I've heard/read, this isn't too uncommon for little boys. It should either a)correct itself on its own, or b)it can be surgically corrected in the future. The main cause for concern is that his head is still measuring behind his body. Not too far behind, but small. Dr. R made me laugh to ease my concern. He said that usually when he looks at patients he thinks, "Dang, you've got a big head." So his theory is that Baby K comes from a small headed family. He feels this is all "precautionary" because I am still--even at 37 weeks--considered high risk.

However, with that said, I have another follow up ultrasound on FEB 3 at the same hospital. I am stoked that we get to take another peak at him (especially since the little booger keeps his hands in front of his face ALL THE TIME.)

As it stands right now, Baby K will be here on Feb 10 by c-section. (For those who are new to my blog, I can't have a natural birth because I severly fractured my pelvis when I was in high school. If I were to have a natural birth, I risk re-fracturing it during labor.) When we go back on Feb 3 for our final ultrasound, if he still hasn't grown, then he will be taken before Feb 10. Dr. R explained that if he wasn't growing well in-utero then our next best option was to get him out so he can be taken care of. As of last Monday, he only weighs 4lbs 14 oz...

So, even though it would be nice to have Baby K grace us with his presence early, the best thing is for him to bake just a bit longer.

Thank you all for your prayers and support over the past week and I covent your continued prayers for Baby K to grow!!!!!!!

A Miracle of Miracles....

I get an inspirational email every day and I wanted to share this with all of you. I couldn't help but plug in words here and there to describe Infertility. Try it. I hope this encourages all of you still waiting for your miracles....


A Miracle Of Miracles: Realizing An Impossible Dream
By: Saralee Perel
"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem
improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become
inevitable." Christopher Reeve

Recently, for the first time in 5 years I simply went out back, put my
cane down, and started walking. I made it 42 yards.

Today I walked 5 miles.

My medical team had said this would be impossible. My brain could no
longer send the signals for walking because those nerves in my spinal
cord had been destroyed. Though certainly unintentional, my doctors
did take something very important away from me: hope.

A while back, a psychologist pal of mine urged me to try to help
myself. I was angry. I said, "They're four of Boston's leading
neurologists. They all said I'd never get any better."

"They could have all been wrong."

"They said there's nothing I can do! No rehabilitation. No physical
therapy. I'm not putting any effort into trying to walk and then be
miserable when I fail."

"Trying is never failure."

I'd get steaming mad at people like her. What did they know? They came
out in droves. I heard various things I should try: a soy-based diet,
massage, Yoga, acupuncture, positive thinking. All of these
well-meaning non-experts believed that traditional medical doctors do
not know everything about human potential.

However, there was a common denominator in my friends' advice. And
that was the word, "Try."

What made me finally try? The answer is simpler than I'd have ever
imagined. That day I tried walking on my own, I had simply said to
myself, "Why not?"

When I walk I have a Frankenstein-style gait. I get embarrassed so I
explain. I met a gal who said, "Stop excusing yourself. Walk proud!"
She's just one of the many who've taught me that if I open my heart to
acceptance, the world is filled with support teams.

I've also resolved to open my obstinate mind and really listen to
others, experts or not. This not only fosters my own sometimes-frail
belief in my abilities; it fosters faith in miracles.

One morning my husband, Bob, said there was a huge present for me in
our driveway. He had researched "bicycles for disabled people." It was
a 300 pound cycle for two. The seats were side by side. He could pedal
while I sat by him and enjoyed the outdoors again.

Um . . . did I mention it came assembled with a set of pedals for me too?

Now, hundreds of miles later, after exhaustive hours of pedaling along
beautiful bike trails, I only wish that we owned stock in Ben-Gay.

Bob needs a tube a day to keep up with me.

Last week he repeated, "There's a huge present in our driveway." He
led me outside. "Voila!" he said. "Oh no," I moaned. Bob dubbed it
"The One-Woman Dynamo Power Bike."

"Sweetheart? You know I can't bike on my own."

He laughed sweetly. "I know. And you can't walk either. Then why does
the pedometer I bought you have 74 miles on it?"

And so, I made a now often repeated declaration that I am praying
others will say to themselves as well. "Yes. I can."

Think I love my bike? You bet. Think I love Bob? Of course. Think I
love life again after cloistering myself in a self imposed no-can-do
closet? Goodness! You have to ask?

How do we find hope when hope seems impossible? Do we simply believe
in our hearts, our minds and our very souls that we can beat the odds?

Yes.

Christopher Reeve said, "When we have hope, we discover powers within
ourselves we may have never known. Once we choose hope, everything is
possible."

His immutable words still ring in my heart and I so hope they will in
everyone else's: "And you don't have to be a 'Superman' to do it."

Saralee Perel is an award-winning columnist, novelest, and retired
psychotherapist. Also, she is a contributor to Chicken Soup for the
Soul, Family Circle Magazine, the Dallas News and many other
publications. Her novel, "Raw Nerves" - A Cape Cod Comedic Thriller,
enjoys very favorable reviews, and can be purchased at Amazon.com (use
link above)
Saralee Perel, can be reached at sperel@saraleeperel.com.
Her web site: www.saraleeperel.com/

Copyright © 2008

Dr. Appt update...

Hello All!

I had my doctor's appt on Monday which entailed (what I thought would be) my last ultrasound. Baby K weighs in at approximately 5lbs. His heart rate is good and he is measuring right on target. However, his head is measuring around a week behind his body. Ideally if I were having a natural birth, this would = less pain. However, my c-section is scheduled for Feb 10, so I would prefer his entire body be measuring on the same week. Also, it appears that there is some fluid around my little boy's private area which has caused some swelling. Dr. R almost laughed when he told me there would be no denying that he's a boy. (It's okay to laugh. I did. Not really something a mother wants to hear about her baby boy.) I was a little caught off guard, but overall okay....UNTIL....

I was told I needed to have another ultrasound at a Fetal Care Center just to be certain that my doctor hasn't missed anything. No big deal. I was also encouraged to have an amniocenteses--which totally freaked me out. I will not consent to that at this point in my pregnancy. I know it's a risky procedure, and to me and K, it doesn't matter if something is chromosomally wrong with Baby K. It never would have mattered. We love him.

I also seem to be losing weight. I actually haven't gained any weight in the past 8 weeks. From my appointment 2 weeks ago until Monday, I somehow managed to lose 4 lbs. This makes my overall weight gain 23 lbs.

So, my next regular appointment is Monday at 9 am. Then I am off to the Fetal Care Center 2 hrs away from my home at 1 pm to take one last look at Baby K before he makes his grand entrance. I can't believe he'll be here in 5 weeks!!!!!!

We are praying that all of this means nothing and that Baby K is as healthy as can be. I'll keep you all updated as soon as I know more. In the mean time, my first of 3 baby showers is at work this Friday. I am so excited!!!! It's going to be a busy month for us!

2008 Reflections....

One year ago, I was here. I can't believe that 365 days later, I am now on the down-hill spiral to finally welcoming my son home. A son I was told that would never be. A son I was told to give up on. A son I prayed for in excess of five years. I am so humbled that God takes over control where science says it is impossible. I've always believed with God all things are possible, but now my circumstances are reassurance to anyone who doubts. I hope this somehow gives all of you who are still waiting on your prayers to be answered hope. Keep praying--even when you feel all prayed out.

My latest dr. appt went well. I was told that my son's heartrate sounded good. I asked Dr. R for one last ultrasound since we hadn't had one since finding out the sex at 17 weeks. We are having our final ultrasound next Monday. Dr. R did tell me that my son is measuring "small." These words terrified me at first. Dr. R told me the only reason he was telling me this is because the ultrasound tech would probably mention to me that he is a small baby. So, how small is "small?" Dr. R estimates that my baby isn't quite 4 lbs yet. Overall, I expect to have a little baby. Both K and I were under 7lbs and I am relatively little compared to many expectant mothers. I feel a little better about Baby K being little now than I did a week ago. I know I still have 6 weeks to go, so I hope he picks up some lbs in my final days. (And FYI for any of you still interested in our nursery. I am patiently waiting on K to STILL put up our baby border so I can post pictures.)

Christmas was very busy. My dad's side of the family gathered for Christmas this year, first time in years. We all really miss my Aunt Cathy, and even though the mood was kind of somber, we enjoyed spending time together. We also celebrated with K's immediate family, K's extended family, my grandparents, my immediate family...It was as if I blinked my eyes and it was over. Busy, busy...

I can't believe 2009 is only 2 days away. I pray that the upcoming New Year brings us all good health, happiness, and hope.

Passing On...

On behalf of my entire family, thank you all for your prayers for my aunt's recovery. I am deeply saddened to write that as of yesterday, my aunt passed away. If you could please continue to pray for my family--especially her son, Jason--we would all be so appreciative...

Prayer Request...

I am in need of a special prayer request from you guys. My dad's sister, Cathy, had a heart attack on Monday and is in ICU. Long story short, Cathy has asthma. She had been having trouble with asthma attacks recently and had been seen by a doctor on Sunday and Monday of this week. Her doctors gave her some shots to help open up her lungs. However, after leaving the doctor's office on Monday she had a really bad attack. She couldn't breath at all by the time she called 911. The asthma attack was so bad it sent her into cardic arrest. EMT's responded to the call and found her unconscience and unresponsive upon arrival. It is estimated that she went without oxygen for around 5 minutes.

Due to her lack of oxygen, she now how swelling in the brain. Yesterday, the family was called in because she needed to have a CT scan. Doctor's were unsure that she was stable enough to move, so they wanted our family there incase something went wrong. Thankfully, she did survive the CT scan, but now has developed MRSA.

Our family has been told that her prognosis is very poor. She has lost some brain activity, we don't know how severe that will be. Her chest x-ray looks good and it appears that she has had minimal effects on her heart. However, the swelling of her brain is not decreasing--it's not increasing either, thank goodness, but we are all praying for it to decrease.

She has a son who is devestated right now. My heart aches for him so badly. And lastly, she is only 42 yr. old. Please pray for my family and for God to provide another medical miracle! I know that miracles happen every day!

Update...

Things are moving right along for us. I had my GDD test last week, which thankfully I passed. Things seem to be going great for my son. His heart rate is good and he kicks up a storm. His mommy--not so great.

First I am exhausted. I actually went to the doc today because I felt as though I may be on the verge of dehydration. I was slightly dehydrated, but Dr. R felt more so that my exhaustion was 1)welcoming me to the 3rd/final trimester, 2)sleep depreviation, 3)the ugly UTI that I have, and 4)low iron. My son also loves to snuggle up beside of my rib cages, so it makes breathing a little more difficult. So, I skipped school tonight and spent the evening catching up on all your blogs.

I am also a little on the "hormonal" side. And I swear, if K says that one more time to me, I may literally knock his teeth out. (Nah, but it really is getting on my nerves.) I cry at almost everything these days. The good, the bad, the really doesn't matter---all bring out the water works. So what if I'm hormonal...I know this.

Eleven weeks to go! When did this happen? (It's acually 10 weeks since I will be having a c-section around Feb 10). I am almost in the single digits--and may I say that I am counting down the days!

Thanksgiving was awesome. My mom and mother-in-law are the best cooks ever. I certainly ate my share--and everyone else's too. I'm stressed out about Christmas shopping. I have yet to buy my first gift! Shhh! Don't tell anyone. This is so UNLIKE me!!!!

I'm glad all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Thanks to those of you who checked in on me. I'm sorry for the delay.

Decisions made...

I have finally decided to breastfeed. And since I bought one of these, there really is no going back now. My cousin's wife had one to sell, so I snatched it up at a rather great deal. I'm a bit nervous, since I don't know the first thing about breast feeding, but I am going to give it a shot. And if I don't like it, I'm going to try to stick with it anyway to save $. Now, if it become too stressful, of course we move on to formula. However, I have thought about it in great detail over the past few months, and right now, I'm in.

We have a daycare provider lined up. Let me insert rant here ---> Although I am completely grateful to be having this child, I am a bit stressed out about how on earth we are going to be able to afford daycare costs in addition to all those other baby expenses. A third of my income will now go to pay childcare expenses alone. That is really going to put a dent in our money. My mom keeps telling me that once our son arrives that I am not going to want to leave him. I know she's right, but like the majority of other two income families, I don't really get that choice. My income is necessary to supplement K's or else we will lose our house. (Don't see the govt bailing us out?!?!)

We have also picked our son's name. We will name him Kade Mason K... However, to protect our privacy, from this point forward you will only see me refer to him as Baby K.

Lastly, we have began to construct his nursery. We are using Rainbow fish as our theme and it is quite cute, if I must say so myself. I can't wait to put the final touches in so I can post pics for you all...

CHANGE is coming....

The election is over. I am a bit relieved and disheartened. I saw this on a church billboard and wanted to pass it on:

The CHANGE America needs is found in the BIBLE.

"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

"My people" entails ALL people--Republicans and Democrats, All ethnic groups,ALL genders, ALL religions.

Will you join me in praying for our country?

Dear Mr. Obama....

Fireproof

You guys, I saw one of the best movies EVER this weekend. Here is the trailer for the movie. I hope you check it out!

Randomness....

I don't have anything profound to say. Just wanted to share some random thoughts.

-I am tired of hearing about the election. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss regular TV commercials. I know this is an important election year, and I have every intention of voting. In fact, K and I have already requested absentee ballots so we don't have to stand in line. However, I'll be completely relieved when the election itself is over.

-It's only 42 days until Thanksgiving (70 days until Christmas). Does anyone else feel as if the holidays snuck up on them this year? I love both holidays, but I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. I have so much to be thankful for.

-My to-do list is getting longer and longer. I have so much to do before baby K arrives. Unfortunately, every day when I get home all I want to do is lay down. We have to put up the border for his room, clean out the closet, register...will I get all of this done before his arrival--especially with the holiday's approaching?

-I had a doctor's appt on Tues. Everything is good. I'm still not drinking enough water. What's new? If you're not a water drinker (like me) how do you manage to get enough liquids to stay well hydrated? I've been having some light-headedness and tunnel vision which Dr. R says is related to my hydration. So as I type, I'm trying to manage to chug my water bottle. Yuck!

-I read this in my devotional this morning and I thought I would share it. It is from Breaking Free by Beth Moore:

"God is not a man who lies, or the son of man who changes His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19

"Can you think of a time when God proved unworthy of your confidence? If we think we've discovered unfaithfulness in God, I believe one of three things has happened: 1) we misinterpreted the promise, 2)we missed the answer, or 3) we gave up before God timed His response.

We must simply keep believeing Him, because unbelief is crippling, casting huge obstacles in the way of a victorious life. The steps we take forward with God, we take through faith. This doesn't mean He asks us to believe in our ability to exercise unwavering faith. He merely asks us to believe that He is able."

-Hope you each have a wonderful Thursday if you made it to the end of my randomness.

God's Value of Money

I received this as an email. I wanted to share it because it has a very powerful message that we all should remember during the financial crisis that exists today.

God's Value of Money
By: Vonette Bright
"...Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's
life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
Luke 12:15

In these days of economic slowdowns and job layoffs, it's good to
remember the value God places on "money."

The poorest person in the world isn't the one who's gone bankrupt.
They're the one who is without God, and consequently without hope in
the world.

Some years ago, the editors of "The Wall Street Journal," made a
powerful statement. They pointed out:
"Money is the article which may be used as a universal passport to
everywhere, except heaven, and the universal provider of everything
except... happiness."

And, they're right!

You see, as Christians our happiness is centered on our personal
relationship with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Jesus said it best...
"A person's life doesn't consist of the things which he possesses."

Because, ultimately... The best things in life... AREN'T "things"!

First Place Goes to....

ME!!!!! I am awarding myself this blue ribbon for being the WORST BLOGGER EVER!!!!!

I'm sorry folks, things have been crazy busy for me the past few weeks. I am balancing work, school, voulenteering, family, friends, etc. I have been reading most of your blogs, but I haven't been posting or commenting. Honestly, I don't have very much to say that would interest you. My life is pretty predictable these days. My weekends are spent doing all the things I neglected to do during the week or catching up on my much needed rest.

I have surpassed the 20 week mark finally. In celebration of the 20th week, I bought something for the baby (a cute camo jacket, cargo pants, onsie, camo socks) and a card for K telling him he was half way to meeting his son. (This was a huge hit for him since he is an avid hunter. For any of you close to 20 weeks I'd recommend doing this for your daddy-to-be. You could tell K was really touched by the gesture.)

I am also beginning to really look pregnant. My friends, family, and co-workers are spoiling me rotten! The further along I get, the more random presents show up on my desk or at my house. My son has a sweet tooth, so people buy me candy often. I've also gotten a flag, picture frame, and teddy bear stating "It's a Boy!" I am so humbled by the genorisity I have received, and it's heartwarming to know my son will be loved by so many people.

That's about it for me. While you are here though, please go send these people some love:

Janna is in love!!!!
Go wish Casey luck! She is having an IUI tomorrow.
Give Courtney some encouragement. She's waiting to test again.
Hug Jill who had a snow-baby transfer a few days ago.
Alison is having a boy incase you haven't heard!
Mel is having a girl!

Thankful Thursday....

I am thankful that we have made it another day with our "son." (I'm still getting use to the idea.) I am thankful that my health has remained great during this pregnancy and that I now feel movement from baby K quite often, which reassures me all is well.

I am thankful that school hasn't been too overwhelming so far. I am thankful that I didn't wait until the last minute to start my field service time (40 hrs in a public school by mid November) and that I already have completed about 11 hrs.

I am thankful for the student I am mentoring. He's a class clown and a bit immature for his age, but he makes me smile. He's been very receptive towards me so far, and that makes me feel as if I am in the right profession.

I am thankful that Saturday, our nephew will be 13!!! We only see him in the summer time because he lives in MT, but we love and miss him very much!

I am thankful that other people have stopped to find things to be thankful for today--you know who you are :) I am thankful for the cyber friends I have made and the prayers they have lifted for me. I am thankful that I can pray for them too knowing we serve the same Higher Power.

I am thankful that Autumn begins on Monday--yipee!

I am thankful I still have 97 shopping days until Christmas!

What are you thankful for?

It's a.....

Thankful Thursday: Remembering 9/11/2001

Today is the national day of mourning. I hope we all pause and remember those who senselessly lost there lives 7 years ago today. I can still remember exactly where I was when I found out that the twin towers had been hit. I remember thinking that the beginning of WWIII was eminent.

I am thankful for our military men and women who sacrifice their lives to keep my country safe. Thank you for giving up your time with your families, for watching your children grow up by pictues while you are serving our country.

I am thankful to be an American.

I am thankful that nothing of this magnitude has happened following 9/11 on United States soil.

I am thankful for the outpouring of love we felt from other countries when this tragedy occurred.

I am thankful for everyone who stops and remembers those left behind seven years ago today.

Lest we Never Forget....

I am thankful that today is my husband's 32 bday. I don't deserve your love for me, but I am thankful for it each and every day of my life.
******************
We find out the sex of the baby on Monday! It's going to be a long weekend!

Guess the Gender of Baby K

I added a poll to the right to vote for the gender of Baby K. If you are interested in playing along, please cast your vote.

Nothing new and exciting is going on pregnancy wise. I feel great. My next doctor's appointment is Sept 9 for a check up. I am hoping to talk Dr. R into taking a peak at the baby to see the gender, but I'm not sure he will. The office policy is usually 20 weeks, and at this appointment I will only be 17 weeks. He has been known to tell patients sooner, so I am hoping that I can be one of these few. We should know by Sept 30 if we should be picking out pink or blue.

School is going really well so far. I've been trying to get organized so I don't feel so overwhelmed. I have a school lined up to begin my 40 hour field service. I have also contacted a former teacher I had growing up, so I can interview her. I am usually the typical procrastinator, but I seem to have it all together right now (which I am hoping will carry over into my teaching career).

K and I have a slow upcoming weekend. He is getting excited about hunting season--I am excited to catch up on my soaps. We may venture out tonight to my former high school's football game. What are you doing this weekend?

Busy, Busy, Busy....

Hello All! Just checking in for a quick update. Thanks Jill for checking in on me :)

The pregnancy is still going strong. My next doc's appt is Sept 9. It is just a routine check. I feel great--my morning sickness has pretty much vanished and my energy level seems to be up. On Sept 9, I am hoping I can schedule my next ultrasound so we can find out the gender. I can't wait to find out what we are having and make sure everything is still going okay.

I started back school last week, so I've been extra busy. I am taking a class that requires each student spend 40 hrs of field service time in a public school. This requirement must be completed by mid-Nov. I have been in contact with 2 area schools and I am hoping to get started on this task immediately while I am feeling so energetic. I am trying to set some short term goals so that I don't feel overwhelmed from the start. Things are going great right now.

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. I appreciate your thoughts! I hope everyone is doing okay. I will be checking in on all of you this week-weekend.

Elaine

Sigh of Relief...Everything is Fine....

I just got out of my Doctor's appointment and all is well. I had this bright idea when I got up this morning that I wanted the baby to be awake during the ultrasound, so I drank some Coke. Well...apparently a little coke to me was a LOT of coke to baby. He/She would not stay still! I didn't think the tech was going to be able to get the proper measurements for the NT test. It was so cute and funny to see him/her bouncing around... I feel so much better.

The baby's heartrate was 158, lower than last ultrasound. We have a 1 in 5825 chances of having Down's Syndrome. Dr. Wonderul assured me that anything over 1 in 300 is considered good. I have to wait for 7-10 days for all the results. My doc's office will only call if there is a problem, so let's all hope that my phone doesn't ring anytime soon...I have only gained 2 lbs, but I can't fit into any of my pants. Getting them up is okay...getting them buttoned is impossible!

Asked Dr. R about my migraines and was once again reassured that Tylenol is perfectly safe for me to take. He did say that if I continued to be anxious about taking it, to take phenegen instead. Phenegen is actually safer to take than Tylenol, according to Dr. R. It would provide me the same relief during those horrible headaches. I will try that next!

The fostering meeting went fine last night. Our agency was very supportive of the fact that we want to wait until after delivery to host a child. What a relief!

Thank you all for your prayers and support over the past 24 hrs. I am so nervous about doctor appointments--with good reason. I really appreciate all of you helping to calm my nerves.

Upcoming NT ultrasound and Fostering....

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for my NT ultrasound and belly check. I'm always very anxious when I have ultrasounds. It's great to take a peak at Baby K, but it also makes me very uneasy until I see that all is well in the womb. I'm not so much worried that my child will be at risk for genetic abnormalties. I know that it wouldn't matter to me either way. I'm already in love with him/her.

My last ultrasound was 3 weeks ago, because my wonderful doctor wanted for me to have peace of mind. Since then, I have had 3 migraines. I have always had a history of migraines, but they have really became more frequent the last few weeks. I was hurting so bad that I finally broke down and called the doc to see if there was anything at all I could do. I was assured that Ty.lenol is safe, so I've had to lean on that medicine for relief.

Before then, I was suffering through them as I begged God for mercy on my aching head. I would lock myself in a dark room, put an ice pack on my head, and will myself to go to sleep. Some would take days to go away, but finally they would pass.

The last few headaches, I have trusted my doctor's advice and taking Ty.lenol as sparingly as possible. I haven't taken more than 2000mg (4 tablets) per migraine. It does help to relieve some of the pain/pressure. But now, I am so paranoid that I didn't just fight through them and wait them out. I am still one week away from my 2nd trimester. Should I have waited?

Lastly, tonight is our home study for our fostering classes. K and I have spoken in great detail about our intentions of fostering. This is something we are still very interested in pursuing. However, I don't feel comfortable taking in a child until after I have delivered. I am still a high risk pregnancy even after I pass the 1st trimester. Medically speaking, I just think the stress could be harmful to me and the baby. We still want to finish what we have started and become licensed. Honestly, I don't want to start over next year with the training and certifications. On the other hand, I don't know how our agency will feel about us postponing a placement until early next spring either?

I am really nervouse about tomorrow and tonight. If you have a prayer to spare for us today and tomorrow morning, I would be so appreciative.

I will update tomorrow after my appointments.

Cardboard Testimony

I saw this on my friend Mindy's blog a few weeks ago. I think it's important that we are reminded that God still answers prayers every single day. Each one of these testimonies is an answered prayer. Maybe it was a family member who prayed for them. Maybe it was a friend. Maybe it was a stranger. Maybe it was their own prayer. It's important for us all to be reminded that God's grace is sufficient for all of us. Praying that many answered prayers are coming soon. I thank God now for all the answered prayers He will give us. I claim it for me, and I claim it for you....Please watch this video. It's about 8 minutes. The last testimony put tears in my eyes...

Thankful Thursday....

I am thankful to have made it another week.

I am thankful I was able to celebrate my grandpa's 70th birthday on Saturday. I love him so much and I hope the Lord allows me to enjoy his presence in my life for many more years to come.

I am thankful that tonight is my last training in the foster parenting program. We have first aid tonight, then all the in-class hours are finished!

I am thankful that K has been so sweet to me lately. He has gone out of his way to do nice things for me, especially since I haven't been feeling so well. He is on the verge of spoiling me :) I am thankful that he has been such a big help around the house. I am thankful that I am lucky enough for him to love me.

I am thankful that my Statistic's class is over! I look forward to staring my teaching ciriculum later this month.

I am thankful that some cooler weather is suppose to be heading our way. I love the summer--but I am finding it much harder to breath this year.

I am thankful for all of you!

TGIF...

THANK GOODNESS IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

This has been a stressful week. I think we may have finally gotten our identity theft straightened out. We closed my acct and opened a new acct. I've changed every single password both K and I own. I'm really trying to hate the sin and not the sinner, but I've been so upset with these people! You know, I don't want to get up and go to work every day either (who does, right?), but I do it.... How dare you steal from me...???

Anyway, I am over it and I think we have resolved the problem. Thank goodness for identity theft insurance too!

Go give these folks some support:
Congratulate Andrea on her new home purchase.
Courtney is feeling a bit under the weather.
Please remember Jen & Carter. They are going through a really rough time.
Give Kristen a hug.
Wish Mandy luck. She had an IUI yesterday.
Keep your fingers crossed for Searching as she awaits her job interview results.
Congratulate In Search of Morning Sickness on reaching her 2nd trimester.
Take a peak at Mel's nugget.
Welcome little Andrew to Chris' family.
Congratulate Janna on getting her applications finished and graduating from the crutches!

Have a great weekend!

Still good news...updated with picture

We had our 2nd ultrasound today. The little one was awake and kicking his/her feet. It was very sweet. The heart rate is 178. I'll put up a pic tonight of the ultrasound.

Thank you all for your prayers today!

What a crazy day.....!

We have a newbie to the IF community. Please all stop by Melinda's blog and welcome her with open arms, as I know you all will.

Secondly, I had my identity stolen last night!!! All in all, there are $1973.50 worth of unauthorized transactions on my account. Lucky for me, K manages the bank we use, so he has placed a hold on my account, but this is still very upsetting!!!! I feel so completely violated!

Lastly, tonight we have our CPR class for our fostering license. I was notified that I have to repeat my fingerprints. (The technician said I have the smallest fingers she has ever seen, and that the FBI probably thought she was printing a child.). Then, tomorrow we have our 2nd viability ultrasound. To say I am nervous would be an understatement, so I would appreciate any prayers and well wishes you could throw our way until then.

Hope you are all having a great day (better than me!)

Thoughts...

So, I have finally found enough courage to add my ticker to this page. I have made it to a milestone, 9 weeks. With my last two pregnancies, I never made it this far. That is a bit relieving, but I still have moments where the future seems so uncertain. I have been meditating on God's word regarding my doubt. I found this bible verse today, and it was as if God Himself pointed it out to me.
It is Jeremiah 29:11

I know the plans I have for you....plans for your welfare, not disaster, to give you
a future and a hope.

Per Be.th Moo.re's excerpt from today's entry of her book Breaking Free Day by Day:

We often see ourselves as having such fragile, breakable souls. We live in fear of that which we are certain and convinced we cannot survive. But as children of God we are only as fragile as our unwillingness to turn and hide our face in Him. Our pride alone is fragile. Once it shell is broken and our hearts are laid bare, we can then begin to sense the caress of God's tender care.

Wow! That spoke wonders to me heart. There is another verse that a friend shared with me about hope.

It is Romans 15:13

Now the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and PEACE in BELIEVING, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Praying for us all to hide our face in Him during times that we feel fragile. Praying that we are filled with Hope and Peace in Believing that God is in control.

Some things I've learned....

I went in for my OB work up today. Dr. R said that everything is going just as it should. I just love him--thanks Deidre! (Deidre and I go to the same church and she encouraged me to get a 2nd opinion from my last practice. I had no idea that I was picking her doctor out of the phonebook, but I am so glad he had a biggest ad in the yellow pages.)

Dr. R asked when my next ultrasound was scheduled and I told him Aug 13. He said that seemed a bit long to wait. He confided in me that he and his wife have 3 children, but have had 4 miscarriages along the way. He said he was privileged to be able to have an ultrasound anytime he wanted it--he owned the machine. So, he said he was bringing me back in before that...How about 2 weeks---July 23! That is so awesome. I will be 10 weeks, then I get to have another one at 13 weeks. I just love it!!!!!!! His philosophy is, "he knows I'm stressed out---really stressed after have subsequent losses and years of IF, so he is willing to anything he can to help alleviate that."

Other than that, I was told to supplement my diet with tums 3-4 times per day for the calcium. He also said I needed to be drinking 14-16 glasses of water per day.

Some things I've determined:

• I can't concentrate on anything. I feel a bit frazzled all the time now. I am having a really hard time staying on task at anything I do.
• I think that Wipeout is my newest favorite TV show....EVER. Did you catch last night's episode? (Hilarious!)
• There is NOOOOO way I can drink 14-16 glasses of water per day as recommended by my doctor.
• My comfort food of choice is currently loaded baked potatoes.
• My dreams are uncontrollable these days. Very weird, random stuff that I would never think of.

Hope you are all having a great week!

Back from the beach....

We are now home (sigh!). I had a fabulous time at the beach with my in-laws. I think I've mentioned before how fortunate I am to have married into such a wonderful family. We spent most of our time out on the beach so the boys--D and A--could swim in the ocean. We laughed so many times this week at how silly these boys can be. For instance, they invented this game called "Save yourself or the ball." They would wait until a huge wave was about to start and throw it at each other just as the wave peaked...You could either go for the ball and take a wave to the face or save yourself and miss the ball... Well, let's just say they each took a brutal beating from the ocean and even convinced my hubby, K, and his brother, N, to play. Very funny stuff....

I am back at work in the real world now. I'm playing catch up on my statistic's class and staying very busy.

P mentioned below, feel free to skip.

I feel okay so far. I am 8 weeks today. I haven't really had any morning sickness other than the occasional nausea if I let my stomach get too empty. I feel really nauseous when my feet hit the floor each morning and I have developed an ugly gag reflex. I have had two really bad headaches in the past two weeks, probably from the hormone changes. Since I am a migraine sufferer, I've had to just tough it out. I have been authorized to take Tylenol, but I don't want to do anything at all to risk this baby's health. So....I am coping with ice packs and dark rooms.

I'm a little sluggish, but I think that is from exhaustion from traveling. I have a dr. appt in the morning for my OB work up and to meet with the finance people. I am eager to see if my iron may be a tad on the low side. On the other hand, I have been eating like a horse!

Just wanted to say hello and tell you all that I am still praying for you.

A day late, but here are the pics....

I was suppose to post these pics last night, but didn't get around to it. These are the two clearest pics that I was given. This is my favorite, the heartbeating....

This pic, if you look just left of the arrow, you will see where the baby's head is growing. And, what's really awesome, if you look close enough you can see where the arms are already starting to bud.

We are leaving to go to the beach this afternoon with K's family. We are returning on Sunday. Most of our family is already there, but K, me, and his dad are leaving at 5pm. I wish you all a happy and safe 4th of July, safe travels and blessings.

Elaine

We have a heartbeat! Thank you God!

I just got in from my ultrasound, and we have a heartbeat! The baby's heart was beating 146 beats per minute and was measuring 6w4d. (According to my last cycle, I should be 6w6d.) The tech said this is exactly where the baby should be right now. I am just so unbelievably thankful! The ultra sound tech zoomed in so we could hear the heart beating, and it was the most beautiful sound I think I've ever heard. I am so thankful for all of your prayers and well wishes! I will post pics of the ultra sound later tonight. Due date according to ultra sound is Feb 19, 2009.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful to have made it another day. (One day at a time....)

I am thankful that my statistic's teacher curved our mid-terms by 10 points! Yippee!! That test was so difficult, so I'll take any points she wants to give us!

I am thankful that next week we will be at the beach with all of K's immediate family. Our nephew who is visiting from MT is so excited that we all are going. I can't wait to relax and spend time making new memories with my family. I really am blessed to have married into such a wonderful family.

(Ok, this is kind of cheesy, but...) I'm thankful that I tuned in to watch WIPEOUT on ABC Tuesday night. I laughed until my sides hurt! It felt so good to be laughing that hard at silly stuff. You guys should really tune in next week. Hilarious!

I'm thankful that Chris has been potentially matched with birthparents. I'm thankful Glenna is home safe with her new son, Isaiah.

I'm thankful that our Foster training is complete. We only have CPR, First-Aid, and our Home-study to go. (Casey asked if we still intended to pursue fostering since our recent announcement, and I have to say yes. This is something K and I still feel led to do.)

I'm thankful that it's such a beautiful day!

Thanks Ladies!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who offered your congratulations and prayers. It means so much to me to know you all are here to offer support in good times and bad. I can't put into words what you all (and this blog) have come to mean to me. K and I have decided to only tell a handful of people (parents, siblings, close friends) with the request that they respect our privacy. Basically, we told those people who we know have a strong prayer life and relationship with the Lord. I am humbled to know that I am an answered prayer that so many people had prayed for me. I believe that they prayed when I just couldn't pray about this anymore. I am requesting that those same people continue to pray for the health of this child.

I'll let you all in on something...this has sort of calmed my anxiety. In the Bible, Hannah prayed to the Lord to give her a child under the terms that once God gave her a child, she would give him back to the Lord. This is why so many young families have baby dedications in church services. Well, once I found out I was pregnant, I felt immediately as if I should give the child back to the Lord from within my womb. It doesn't make me a saint, but it just felt appropriate. So, I am trying not to worry about what the next 9 months entails (although this feeling comes and goes). I know this child already belongs to God, and he will enable me to protect and provide for it, as long as it's within His will for our lives.

I pledge to pray for you all in hopes that you too will be sharing good news with the blogging world. I sent an email to a friend which said, "I was told I would have to use donor eggs to get pregnant. Now, I know if God can work a miracle with my eggs, He can do just as mighty things to other eggs and sperm." I will continually pray for God to hear our prayers until they break through Heaven like a flood.

I love you all.

Can you all keep a secret?

I have been impatiently waiting to tell you all.....after 5 years of ttc....and 2 miscarriages....I am currently 6weeks pregnant. My projected due date: Feb 17, 2009.

This came as a total surprise to me and K. I've known for about 2 weeks. It's been so hard not to shout this from the roof tops. I want to be so very excited--but history speaks loudly, and I am so very scared.

I called my doc on June 12 and told him of my positive test. He wanted me to come in immediately. I saw the nurse who loaded me down with vitamins, magazines, pamphlets... At one point, I had to just say..."I really appreciate you giving me all this stuff, but I'm just not ready to be reading any pregnancy magazines." She understood. I didn't get to see the doc, but he prescribed progesterone suppositories to be taken at night until I am 12 weeks.

I actually had to go back to the doc last week because I developed a UTI. This time, I was able to see Dr. R himself. He asked me how I felt. I explained I was cautiously over the moon. He then asked me if I had any ultrasounds scheduled. I told him the nurse set my first two appointments (July 9th for an OB workup; Aug 13 ultrasound--I would be 13 weeks). He asked how I felt about that, and I told him I was really nervous of another blighted ovum. So, he is bringing me in early for a vitality ultrasound.

This is set for Monday, June 30. Please, please, please....don't stop praying for me now. I want so much to believe that this time will be different. I know that God already knows the outcome. Each morning, I say to myself, "Elaine, we just have to make it though today...." I am trying not to worry about the future, but as you can tell, my anxiety is at a peak.

We finished up our foster parent training this past weekend. We still have our home study to do, and CPR/First Aid.

To all my sweet friends....I've felt defeated more times than I could count on this IF journey. I learn every day that the Lord still answers prayers. Whatever happens, we will thank him for giving us the time we have had to love this little one whom we've never met.

What I would give to meet this little one.... I am high risk, and I have been ordered by Dr. R to abstain from sex until 8-10 weeks. He wants to see the baby's heart beat first. So, please, please pray for a healthy baby next Monday....with a good, strong heart beat.

Happy Monday!

I hope you are all doing well. I had an extremely busy week last week. K and I are almost finished with our fostering training. We actually only have 2 classes left! The past 3 weeks have passed so quickly!

I have a midterm at school on Wednesday for my statistics class. I am looking forward to kissing this class goodbye, and I am relieved that it is half-way over! On the other hand, I can't wait for my Education program to start this fall! I love school---it's such a good distraction for me.

There are so many things going on right now, but I will save for another post. I will appreciate your continued prayers.

Praying for you all!
Elaine

Update....

Hello all! I must say first and foremost, I miss you all so much! I have been reading your posts and commenting here and there. Things are going full speed ahead for me at the moment, so if you feel neglected or forgotten, you certainly aren't.

Updates:

School: I am doing better at my statistic's class right now. I am actually about a week ahead of schedule, so that has really helped take a load off my shoulders.

Beach: The girls beach trip was so much fun. I can't wait to do that again sometime in the near future. One thing happened though that no one expected. One of the girl's who went with us received a call early last Saturday that her house had caught fire the night before. She was actually allowing someone to house sit for her while at the beach. Everyone made it out safe, pets included, but she lost almost everything. The only clothes she currently has is the one's she took with her to the beach. We are all scrambling around like crazy trying to help anyway that we can, but she is very upset. Please remember her in your prayers. I don't think she's a Christian, but I am not sure. I couldn't imagine handling something like that without the grace God provides during tragedy.

Fostering: We have now completed 1/3 of our training. K and I both have been fingerprinted and completed our physicals. This week, we have 2 classes (Meeting Developmental Needs-Discipline & Strengthening/Continuing Family Relationships). I can't believe the things I have learned so far about foster children, myself, my husband. I continue to believe that this is God's plan for our lives, but request your continued prayers. I know that if/when a child is placed in our care that it will be a huge transition for everyone involved.

Please be patient as I am posting less often right now. On top of all this other stuff we have going on, our nephew will be here tomorrow. He lives in MT with his mother. We only get to see him once per year (in the summer). So, we have to pack into 6 weeks what we give our other niece/nephews in an entire year. Not a lot of down time for us right now...and I feel a little sleep deprived!!!! (That is my favorite hobby....and I am finding less and less time to enjoy it these days.)

Love and prayers for you all!