I can't believe that Christmas has came and passed another year. I feel a bit relieved, but also there is that bit of sadness that comes too.
I am so disappointed that I allow myself to get all worked up every year. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret, something I just shared with K last night. I get so upset, sad, stressed as the Holiday's approach out of shear fear that someone in our family will announce their pregnancy, like I once did.
It's not a competition, and I know it is bound to happen at some point. There are so many young, married couples in our family that I always dread any sort of family get-together. However, it didn't...and I felt relieved and selfish that I allowed myself to ruin what was to be a wonderful day filled with laughter, family, and friendship.
I must be an emotional roller coaster right now, because last night I almost cried because I had cried so much working myself up for nothing. I prayed again for peace and God to help me sort through all of these emotions. He's here, right in the midst of my heartbreak, and I must continue to search for Him.
I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas day!
4 comments:
Holiday's have this effect on us "infertiles". I was very aware of these feelings and we didn't "announce it" on a holiday. I just couldn't. I know these feelings well and i do not wish them on anyone. i am glad that you remember and are able to proclaim that God is the deliverer of peace!
I am so, so sorry. I am sure it is a most devastating feeling. :( You have my prayers for what you seek.
I just finished drafting a post on a little of what you said here. I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone. Thanks you Elaine!
Oh please don't beat yourself up for feeling what you are feeling. The holidays are the most difficult time of year for infertiles, and honestly, I believe it is a most difficult time of year for everyone with all of the stress and build up. You are on the right track and I will continue to pray for peace for you.
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