Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Getting all worked up...

I can't believe that Christmas has came and passed another year. I feel a bit relieved, but also there is that bit of sadness that comes too.

I am so disappointed that I allow myself to get all worked up every year. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret, something I just shared with K last night. I get so upset, sad, stressed as the Holiday's approach out of shear fear that someone in our family will announce their pregnancy, like I once did.

It's not a competition, and I know it is bound to happen at some point. There are so many young, married couples in our family that I always dread any sort of family get-together. However, it didn't...and I felt relieved and selfish that I allowed myself to ruin what was to be a wonderful day filled with laughter, family, and friendship.

I must be an emotional roller coaster right now, because last night I almost cried because I had cried so much working myself up for nothing. I prayed again for peace and God to help me sort through all of these emotions. He's here, right in the midst of my heartbreak, and I must continue to search for Him.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas day!

4 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

Holiday's have this effect on us "infertiles". I was very aware of these feelings and we didn't "announce it" on a holiday. I just couldn't. I know these feelings well and i do not wish them on anyone. i am glad that you remember and are able to proclaim that God is the deliverer of peace!

Searching said...

I am so, so sorry. I am sure it is a most devastating feeling. :( You have my prayers for what you seek.

Alison said...

I just finished drafting a post on a little of what you said here. I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone. Thanks you Elaine!

Chris said...

Oh please don't beat yourself up for feeling what you are feeling. The holidays are the most difficult time of year for infertiles, and honestly, I believe it is a most difficult time of year for everyone with all of the stress and build up. You are on the right track and I will continue to pray for peace for you.