Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ask Anything response (part 2)

Charne asked, "share with us how you managed to keep the faith while trying to concieve, and on those rough days what did u do to make it easier? how did infertility affect your hubbys faith?"

Charne, I wish I could say that it was easy for me to keep the faith while trying to conceive. The low-down-dirty-truth is that it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. There were many days that I didn't have faith at all. I spent many hours questioning God or worse, directing my anger toward Him. Somehow, someway I just slowly let all of those emotions go. Getting pregnant was still just as important to me, but it didn't hurt quite as much. I learned to keep my faith by surrounding myself with supportive people. I asked so many people to pray for me during this time in my life. I believe their prayers carried me through this valley.

On those rough days, I would toss myself a pity-party. I would have a good cry (cause its my party, and I could cry if I want to :) and I would reach out in the blogging world for a shoulder to cry on. In my real life, there was only two people who I truly believed understood what I was going through--my husband and a friend from church who had too walked in my shoes. But, eventually, I would just get over-it and the next day (or day after that) would be better.

Infertility wasn't as big of a giant for my husband. He wasn't the problem in our inability to conceive, so I don't feel as if it took a toll emotionally on him as it did on me. However, with that said, he was so supportive of me during this time that I don't think I really gave him the opportunity to let it affect him. (As I was laid open on the operating table awaiting the birth of our son, I thanked him for being the wonderful man/husband that he is. He could have left me...but he stayed, even when we were told that biological children were not in our future. I know if our roles were reversed that I would have been as supportive of him. I love him just as much.)

K and I did deal with infertility differently. I was more "outward" while he never showed his emotion. I know it affected him, but he never let me see it because I felt so "fragile."

Eventually, I....

Will finish the post next time...


Deidre said...

Your honest answers are going to help people more than you know. I believe God understands our hearts and our desires and hurts when we hurt. You have a precious gift and I know you know that more now than ever. It wasn't a gift that came easily, so all the more reason to glorify the Father.

I have a gift for the precious boy! I'm going to look for you Sunday! :) Love you, sweet friend!

I Believe in Miracles said...

What a great question and what a great post. You've really got me thinking about my own journey and faith through it.

I do think men and women just react differently, it's part of the way we were built.

Thanks for sharing!!


Charnè said...

thank you so much for been open and been honest, i really appreciate it