Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Our next move, pending my tubes are still open, is to begin Clomid for a good, solid 6 months. I only used this drug for one month at old doc's office, and Dr. R suggested that it really wasn't long enough to see if it was working. So, off to clomid we go beginning next cycle. (I am excited, but have to say, I don't look forward to the hotflashes or night sweats. Yuck!) At this point, I am willing to try anything.
More to say, but will save for another post. He assured me to still remain hopeful, but to get my stress level undercontrol. (Easier said than done, huh ladies?)
Thursday, December 27, 2007
1. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Accounting from here. However, after working in accounting for the past 9 years, I made the decision to return to school to pursue a 2nd Bachelor's degree in Middle Grades Education with concentrations in Math and Science. I am a career student. I love school, taking classes, cramming for exams, and writing papers. I passed the Praxis I on the first attempt (Thank you Lord) and have been waiting to find out if I have been accepted to a new college, namely, here, beginning August 2008. (More to come on this in the Spring as I find out if I am one of the 30 candidates accepted. Fortunately, I have a leg up on most applicants since I currently hold a BA and have passed the Praxis I).
K is also returning this spring to get his Masters, so this is going to be a very busy year for us.
2. I am the youngest child. I have one older sister who I have grown to appreciate with age. She currently has 2 kids, a boy and a girl. K is the youngest child also, with one older brother and one older sister. They each have one son! K also had a brother he never met who died at age 7 playing with gasoline and matches. K and this sibling share the same birth date, Sept 11.
3. I have survived a horrific car accident. When I was 17 years old, I ran off the road and over-corrected hitting another vehicle head-on. I suffered 2 broken legs, a fractured pelvis, broken foot, collapsed lung, cuts, and bruises, and was air lifted to a trauma center. I spent 30 days in the hospital, 6 of which were in ICU. I was released from the hospital one day before my 18th birthday. Unfortunately, this all occurred at the beginning of my second semester of my Senior year of high school, so instead of counting down the days until graduation I was home schooled so I could graduate with my class. I learned to walk again before Senior Prom and walked to get my diploma. This is one of the proudest moments in my life. I over came most odds and I am hoping that history will repeat itself.
4. K and I got engaged only 4 months after we began dating. So many people said that we were moving too fast, but when it feels right, you just know. We continued to date for an entire year before our wedding. We have currently been married 4 1/2 years and I am thankful that we have experienced more love in this time than some people experience their entire lives.
5. I am a teaching myself to play the guitar. My parents and K surprised me with a guitar for Christmas after hearing me talk about how much I wanted to learn to play it. It was such a special gift for me, and I almost cried when I opened it. I can proudly report that I can play 2 songs, Ode to Joy and Jiggle Bells...the book I have teaches you string by string, and I can now play 2 strings. Yay!
6. I am addicted to my DVR. I don't know how I ever survived reality TV without it. I am an addict of any reality shows, American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother, etc. I also enjoy watching Cops, America's Most Wanted, 48 Hour Mysteries, and Forensic Files. (I use to want to be a police officer before I found my love for crunching numbers.) I also watch The Young and the Restless daily. I've been watching it for 15 years or more.
7. I am the mother to two fur babies, our dogs, Kooper and Karter. They are Carin Terriers like the dog on the Wizard of Oz. Karter had inherited my personality. He's the lap dog who loves to snuggle and tends to be a little slow to learning new tricks. Kooper, must be the mail-man's because he doesn't act like me or K. He is very temperamental. Basically, he doesn't like to be petted, talked to, or looked at for that matter. We can say his name and he looks at us and walks the other direction. He likes to sleep (guess he gets that from me). We have taken him to the vet and all we have determined is "he's just made this way." He is the most unsociable dog I've ever met. I don't think he likes us, but we love and spoil him all the same.
I tag all my wonderful buddies too.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
I am so disappointed that I allow myself to get all worked up every year. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret, something I just shared with K last night. I get so upset, sad, stressed as the Holiday's approach out of shear fear that someone in our family will announce their pregnancy, like I once did.
It's not a competition, and I know it is bound to happen at some point. There are so many young, married couples in our family that I always dread any sort of family get-together. However, it didn't...and I felt relieved and selfish that I allowed myself to ruin what was to be a wonderful day filled with laughter, family, and friendship.
I must be an emotional roller coaster right now, because last night I almost cried because I had cried so much working myself up for nothing. I prayed again for peace and God to help me sort through all of these emotions. He's here, right in the midst of my heartbreak, and I must continue to search for Him.
I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas day!
Monday, December 24, 2007
As a side note, if you have little one's in your family, stop and give them an extra special hug and kiss today, for there are many people who don't have the luxury of watching our children open gifts or seeing the expressions on their faces from what Santa has left. This is a sad time of year for those of us "without" even when we try our best to mask the deep despair and anguish that we feel.
It was 3 years ago today that I announced my first pregnancy to my Husband's family. We had tried for 14 months to finally have the news to share that our family of two would soon become three. On Dec. 30, marks the 3 year anniversary that I lost this baby, and hence the reason that Christmas will never be the same for me, ever again.
I said on the way to work this morning (unfortunately, we had to work on Christmas Eve), "Maybe next year, Elaine. Maybe next year." I've said these sad words for four years now, and it doesn't get any easier. But still, I have hope and think "just maybe."
I decided to seek an unbiased 2nd opinion. When I called another local OBGYN office, I explained some of my chart briefly and hi-lighted my disappointment with Dr. D and his failure to notice that my pap smear was 3 years outdated. This new office has agreed to work me in for a consultation on Dec. 27. I would really like to be treated as a new patient, and not a prior patient with a not-so-optimistic infertility history. On a brighter note, I have been pregnant 2 times on my own, so there could be something insignificant that has been overlooked and I am hoping that a new clinic will have a new diagnosis as well.
I dunno. Maybe this is just wishful thinking.
Anyways, I will update more later this week. Merry Christmas everyone! Next year brings a new hope that this will be our year. And for that hope, I am truly thankful.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
We are back home now. Our overnight trip proved to be refreshing. We were able to even see some snow!!! I can't say I'm not happy to be home though. Here is a pic we had taken at my work's Christmas dinner. Thanks for all of your kind words and encouragement over the weekend. I hope to get caught up on all my blog-reading today!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
I am going back Jan 21 for a saline ultrasound to take another look at the septum and my right ovary--which was a bit enlarged and the reason he feels that my endo has reared it's ugly head again. So basically, I got some really good nerve pills to help me sleep, a pap smear--which I pray is normal after 3 years, some antibiotics for this bacterial infection that no one knows how long I've had, and another doctor's appt to look forward to.
We are officially on our first family vacation. K and our two sons, our dogs Kooper and Karder, are safely in Boone awaiting my friends graduation tomorrow from ASU. I can't think of a better place to be right now. The excitement of their 3rd strait national championship is still in the air. K is alumni from there,and I will be attending a cohort program beginning in Aug 08 offered by ASU in my hometown! Can't think of a better time to be a Mountaineer!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Secondly, I haven't had that great of a day today. Do any of you find the holiday's tough? I stated in an earlier post that it was another year of an empty back seat in our car. Last night, I broke down at dinner in a public restaurant because of the conversation that K and I.
K: You really need to stop worrying so much. You worry about things 4 months from now, that no one else would worry about right now. I am going to take care to you. I need you to repeat that to me.
Me: I know you are going to take care of me.......BUT (the ever-dreaded "but" and when the tears started streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably) I learned my lesson on "not worrying." I never "worried" that I would be one of those people who couldn't have children. Now, that's all I worry about. I have to worry now....I learned my lesson.
Some topics I will discuss with my doctor tomorrow include:
- Is my Endo back?
- Is another Laparoscopy necessary?
- If so, can you also fix my septum while you are "in there?"
- Should I give IUI one last try before my remaining expensive injectible's expire.?
- Is there something I can take for Panic Attacks that is safe while ttc?
- Checking my cervical fluid to make sure I don't have any sort of infections.
I haven't been blogging too much lately. Believe it or not, I haven't really had too much to say. I am still one week away from AF's unwanted appearance. I don't have any early symptoms to report, so I'm not feeling so optimistic. You would think after 4 1/2 years, it wouldn't be so disappointing to one.....(sigh)
Regardless, I am Thankful that K and I are going on our first ever family trip this weekend to Boone--by family, I mean the two of us and our 2 dogs. We found a pet friendly hotel to stay at. My friend is graduating on Sunday so we are going up a day early to spend the night. It turned out very convenient because my department at work wanted to eat here on Saturday evening, so we would be in Boone anyway. I'm kind of bummed that her graduation is on Sunday and I will be missing church, but I am glad she is graduating. I am Thankful for her friendship the past 20 years and Thankful that she wants me to be there as she accomplishes this milestone.
I am thankful that prayers are being uplifted for my church youth group and leaders, and that many people are praying for C's family. C was a member of our youth group who died in a car accident last Thursday. I am thankful through his family's suffering that they can still say that "God has been so good."
I am thankful that Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. I am ready to put the stress it brings behind me for another 300 days or so.
I am thankful that the weather is suppose to be cooler this weekend. (Living in NC with 80 degree temps in December just doesn't feel right!!!)
Find something to be thankful for today.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I am Thankful that I am finally "over" my pity party. Whether I like it or not, it's a new cycle, and a new hope.
I am Thankful that I am almost finished Christmas shopping--only 3 present left to buy. I am Thankful that I actually started early this year and don't feel so stressed out about shopping for gifts and getting them wrapped.
I am Thankful for over-the-counter meds that work! I am Thankful that I am finally getting over this horrible cold and can finally breath through my nose again.
I am Thankful that K was able to take a few days off this week and go hunting. I am Thankful that God continues to keep him safe while he is hunting. I am Thankful that our freezer is full of meat for the next year. I am Thankful that I had enough courage to "try" deer meat a few years ago, and that I really do like it when it's cooked right.
I am Thankful for friends that check in on me and worry about me. I am Thankful that I feel cared for and prayed over.
I am Thankful for today--it's payday! I am Thankful that I have reliable employment.
I am Thankful that K has decided to also go back to school. He will be beginning his Master's degree this spring and I will be attending school next fall working towards a 2nd bachelor's degree.
Have a blessed day, and find something to be Thankful for.