Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Peeking in....

I've been the epiphany of a busy bee lately. First, my on-line class has began. I am officially a student--yippee! I am taking statistics, and if I can, I'd like to go ahead and insert a vent here: I had forgotten how HARD that is! I've never taken an on-line class because, frankly I am not too disciplined to make myself study on my own schedule. However, I can honestly say, I've spent so much time on this class already and I am only starting the second week!
Fostering update: I've taken my physical and went this morning for my TB shot. I have to go back on Thursday to have the TB shot looked at, then I can check that off of the million things I have left to do for this program. K has his physical next week. Our training sessions begin June 3 and will last until June 21. We have to go to class every Tues/Thur night and all day on Saturday for 3 weeks. (So, I've been trying to work ahead in my Statistics class so I am not so overwhelmed in June.)
Birth mother update: If you are wondering what I am speaking of, you can read this entry. The birth mother has had our attorney information for 2 1/2 weeks now, and she still hasn't called. She may have changed her mind, which she has every right to do. However, I hope and pray she calls soon to let me know one way or the other. If we will be taking in her baby, we need to be getting ready for that transition. She's due in June...and June is almost here!!!!
This weekend: I am going on a long awaited girls trip to the Beach. We have 13 girls going, some of which I don't really know, but I am looking forward to getting to know better. I've never gone on an all girls trip, but I am really looking forward to it. It will be short lived, but I just love the beach and will use any excuse I can to go there. Not to mention, my friends have been so supportive of me and this journey. I can't wait to get in some girl-time. I was presently surprised when K said I could go, because we haven't ever been away from each other for things like this. Sure, he's had business trips and such, but he's never gone on a guy trip.
I think that's about it for now. I was just peeking in to give you all an update and wish you all a great week!!!!!

Friday, May 16, 2008


I sort of kind of made a boo-boo.... I "tried" to change the layout of my page and in doing so lost all of the favorite blogs I visit. Please leave me a comment here so I can link back to all of you wonderful people if you don't see your name listed on my blogroll.


It's a go. We are in for the long haul. I am so excited! Orientation lasted about 2 hrs last night. We were told what we could expect from the agency, as well as what was to be expected of us. Our first training session begins June 3. We will have training on Tues/Thurs nights and Saturday all day. We will complete our last training June 21.

The entire process from start to finish is about 4 months. You have to have home studies, fire inspections, physicals, criminal background checks, fingerprinting, training in CPR/First Aid, Medication administration, and blood born pathogens. Then you must wait until a child comes along with the specific needs that you are most suited to foster.

I am really excited about the agency we chose. They provide so much emotional support to their families. The kids they care for also get some special privileges that some other agencies may or may not do.

Overall, I can't wait to get it started. I feel so excited...you would have thought I just saw 2 pink lines! That would be nice too, but this feels right for us at this time.

My physical is set for May 22. That will be my first check mark!

Thank you for your prayer support during this time. We will be busy (I start back school too), but it will be all worth it in the end!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Thankful Thursday

I am so grateful for each of you who offered me encouragement to yesterday's post. The five year mark is approaching, and that has really been a hard milestone to swallow. I appreciate each of your kind words. So, today, I am thankful, so very thankful for all of you.

I am thankful that I didn't leave Dr. R's office in tears yesterday. Last time, he was out of the office and the new dr. was very insensitive. Dr. R. came right in and said, "I told you, I don't want to see you unless your pregnant...." I just love him. He has the optimism I need, and I appreciate his honesty with me. For now, same protocol....Femera cd 3-7, Estrogen cream cd 3-7, Mucinex cd 10-17, and lots and lots of "quality" time with K. (Which K definitely appreciates :)

I am thankful for Jen, who shared this scripture with me yesterday... It was very encouraging to me, and I thought I would pass it on to you.

James 1:12 (NIV)

God Blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

And after reading that, I read this:

...Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. If you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

James 2-6 (NIV)

I am thankful that tonight is our first fostering class. (I will try to update later tonight or tomorrow.)

I am thankful for so many things today...but mostly that my mood seems better and that changes my outlook on almost everything.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

It's time I fessed up....

I skipped out on church services on Sunday. I'm not proud of that fact. Even that afternoon as the rain poured down, I felt as if God was crying with me...about me....for me when I didn't have any energy left to cry. Instead, I stayed in bed in the confinement of my safe haven, and ignored that this day was to celebrate those who give life... After all, I am not to be included in this category, and I am finally coming to terms with that I may never be. Why can't they change it to "women's day" to make it not hurt so much? The lines are clearly defined that this is to celebrate "mother's". I have two precious babies in Heaven. So, does that make me a mother? Not to anyone who looks at me hear on Earth. Except me. That's a sour attitude, I know. I've been like this for about a week and have finally been taking my anxiety meds again. I hope this soon passes, but after 5 years I think IF has finally taken it's toll on me. I feel completely defeated at this point.

On another note, AF was set to appear on Saturday and never showed her ugly face. I spent most of Sunday praying, Lord, please not let her come to today...any day but today. So, she came Monday. (See Ladies, the Lord still answers prayers.) Today I have an appt with Dr. R. I'm completely clueless as to what he will want to do next. This was our 4th failed month on oral meds so he may stop those completely.

We also start our first foster parenting classes tomorrow. I am excited, but this state of mind has sort of ruined that to me. It's a new venture, a road we haven't traveled before. For that I am deeply grateful and excited. It's also sort of closure on what were my hopes of having biological children. For that, I am deeply sad.

How have you kept IF from affecting your relationship with the Lord? How do I get back there?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Those Who Make My Day....

There is an award being passed around. I feel completely honored to have received this recognition from Alison. What a humbling way to feel like your words of encouragement are welcomed and appreciated. I want to pass on the honor to the blogs that inspire and encourage me. These women are truly remarkable, and I know that God has had a hand in our paths crossing via the world wide web. All of you are an important part of this IF journey for me. You provide healing, comfort, and happiness to my sometimes "empty" heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alison, I must return the favor. You are such a sweet friend to me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words and encouragement on my posts. You have welcomed me with open arms into the blogging community. I know that you will make the most awesome mother one day, because you are the greatest friend anyone could ask for.

Deidre, you introduced me to blogging. You lead me to a verse in God's word (Phil 4:11) that has held me together more times than I can count. You are an example of answered prayer, my prayer, and that gives me comfort. I know that I can depend on you (and Pam) for Godly guidance and prayers when I need them. Thank you for being such a special person to me. Thank you for always praying for me. Thank you mostly for being such a Godly example for me.

Jill and Andrea, your posts on Mother's Day were very inspiring to me. I know that God is using you and your blogs to minister to broken hearts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts publiclly with us.

Rebecca, you and I met on another blog. I am so glad you followed me over to this site. I am so excited that you are now expecting your second son. You and I journeyed this dreaded road together for months. Although our roads have now parted and our lives have taken different directions, I couldn't be more grateful to call you my friend.
Janna, Chris, Glenna, and Jen...all of my fellow adoption (in some sort of form) buddies. You were all inspiring to us to proceed forward with fostering children. We hope that fostering leads us to a child that God has hand picked to be placed permanently in our family. I will be following each of your journey's closely over the next few months and I will probably have boo-coos of questions for you all. You have made me truly realize that being a good mother isn't composed of having the same DNA.

I could go on and on. You all are so very special to me. These blogs are usually the one's I check first. You all make my day in your own unique way. I am so thankful that I can share my inner most thoughts and heartaches with you precious people and know that no judgement is given. I am thankful to know that I have you to pray for me, and that I too can pray for you. I am so very thankful to call you all friends....we are our own tight knit family in a way.

I love you all very much!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

So much to do....so little time.

Hello all.

I have so much going on right now. Although tax season has came and gone, it seems that a million other things have taken it's place. I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment with life in general. So, sorry for my absence friends. On another note, I have so much to tell...

First off, my classes start next week. Yay! I can not wait to make this career change. I really believe as if teaching will be a good fit for me and my personal goals. K is also getting his Master's right now, so things have been very busy around our home.

Secondly, we have decided to become foster parents. I haven't shared this with you before, because we have talked about it on several occasions, and never moved forward with it. However, I am happy to report that as of yesterday, we have officially filled out the application and sent it in. We have our first class 05/15/2008. At that time, I will know much more to pass on. Once we receive a child, I may have to postpone going back to school or cut back on my schedule. That's a sacrifice I am prepared to make when I have to cross that bridge.

Thirdly, we have been "sort of" approached about possibly adopting a newborn baby that is due to make his grand appearance in June. Yes, HIS. It's a very long story, but basically someone I know was actually approached by this birthmother about adopting her baby. My friend told this mother, she just couldn't. She's a grandmother now, and she just felt too old to take on the responsibility of a newborn. However, she made mention of us. Now, the birthmother (BM) is considering letting us adopt her son. The BM wants everything to be anonymous, so she has our attorney's information. Now, we wait for her to call. If she does....

I don't want to become emotionally involved in all of this, because it still sounds a bit too good to be true. I would like nothing more than to take this baby, but I am just praying that God will help me contain my feelings until things are more certain. She could change her mind, and she has that right.

Please keep us in your prayers, as the future seems so uncertain for us at this time.


Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Coping with Mother's Day and Father's Day

I found this article on the RESOLVE website. I think this is a tough time for all of us right now. Every year, around Mother's Day, I feel so depressed and numb. I lose all sense of hope, happiness, and faith I have about having my own children. I don't feel like getting out of bed each morning, I don't feel like worshipping God. I don't feel any other way, but broken.

As these holiday's pass, I feel better, but getting through them is the most difficult thing I do each year. I know I'm not alone, even though it may feel as if I am. Most of you know how difficult these days are for me, because they are also difficult days for you. So, let us lift up one another in prayer for strength, guidance, and renewed faith. Maybe next year, they won' t be so hard for us. I hope this helps, dear friends.

Coping with Mother's Day and Father's Day

It can be particularly difficult to face the many emotional issues raised by infertility at a time when everyone is celebrating motherhood and fatherhood. RESOLVE urges men, women and couples who are experiencing infertility to plan ahead for Mother's Day and Father's Day, acknowledge their feelings and prepare themselves emotionally to handle questions and comments from family and friends.
RESOLVE suggests the following:

Take a Proactive Stance
Think ahead about the day and plan a strategy in advance. Don't wait until the holiday is upon you to make plans.

Focus on Your Parents/Grandparents or Special Parental Figure
Make this a special time for them. If a family gathering is planned and it will be pleasant for you, go and enjoy. But, if lots of children or pregnant relatives will be present, and you know this will be upsetting, consider other possibilities. You might plan to see your mother/father at another time during the weekend.

Recognize Potential Painful Situations
Restaurants, for example, may be a source of discomfort. They may ask if you are a mother or a father in order to give you a complimentary item. Be prepared for this question so you are not taken off-guard.

Consider Joining a Support Group
A support group will help you feel less isolated, empower you with knowledge and validate your emotional response to the life crisis of infertility. Visit the RESOLVE Calendar of Events to find a support group in your area.

Speak to Your Minister or Rabbi
Before a religious service, talk with your clergyperson (or write a letter) and educate him/her about the experience of infertility. Perhaps he/she would be willing to say a prayer or offer words of support for those struggling with this crisis.

Plan an Enjoyable Day Together
It is important to work as a couple during these difficult days. Consider tuning out the holiday emphasis entirely and make it an opportunity for a fun day together plan a day outdoors to go hiking, bicycling, or walking on a beach. See that movie you've wanted to see or create a special meal.

For more information:
Call a local RESOLVE HelpLine
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by the holidays, whenever you need someone to talk to, our peer counselors will be happy to listen and to offer RESOLVE resources. Give us a call. You are not alone! Mother's Day/Father's Day chat