Monday, March 23, 2009

Latest Newsflash...

Hold on to the edge of your seats friends! I have earth shattering news to share! Well, maybe not earth shattering, but it's pretty darn good news I think. This weekend I began packing away all those maternity clothes that had taken up residency in my closet the past 10 months. I thought just for kicks I would try to squeeze into a pair of my old jeans...just to see how much work I still have left to do. And believe it or not, I was able to get my jeans on. Be it as it may, I had to lay down on my bed and suck in for dear life, but I was able to get them buttoned. This made my day!! It will still be awhile before I can wear any of them comfortably, or else I would probably turn blue from lack of oxygen, but I am certainly making progress! I am most definitely looking forward to my wardrobe expanding instead of my waistline.

On other news, I visited the daycare that Baby K will be starting 2 weeks from today [gasp!]. I can't believe that he will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. This was my first visit. I hadn't really felt the need to visit since one of my MIL's friends works in the nursery. Let's just say, Baby K is no longer going to be enrolling in this daycare. I was so disappointed. First, my MIL's friend wasn't even there, so maybe that's why I left feeling uneasy about placing him in their care. However, I felt like I had just walked into an orphanage. The room was so tiny and cluttered. I had expected something totally different. So, I left and called K and explained my insecurities. I later stopped by a daycare closer to my home and I accepted their last vacant spot in the infant room. It was a top of the line cost a little more money each week and the registration fee--which has to be paid yearly--is more than expected, but I can justify the extra expense just to feel comfortable where Baby K is cared for. [Let me just say, I think a registration fee is a ripoff!]

So, that's the latest. I hope you all are having a wonderful week. The sun is shining here in NC and I admit to having a bit of summer fever! I am so bummed by cold weather and I can't wait until the flowers begin to bloom and I can spend my days outside with my Little Man...

Oh...go give Mandy some love. She's less than 3 weeks away from delivery! And I've never been happier for my dear friend Jill. Go give her some love too!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

He's one month old....

I can't believe that Baby K is already one month old! He had his 4 week check up yesterday, and he's already up to 9 lbs 3 oz. That makes him in the 35%. That's quite an acomplishment for a little guy who was suppose to be so small.

He also had to get a shot. The nurse told me, "Now mom, his face is going to get really red and he's probably going to cry, but this is necessary to keep him healthy." She was right. He did cry...and I felt my eyes fill up with tears trying to comfort him. It was horrible--not for him. He only cried for a minute. For ME!!! Okay, so I only cried for a minute too, but it broke my heart to see him in pain even if it was only for a nano-second.

Last night wasn't so good. Baby K wouldn't eat much yesterday, and he didn't sleep well either. I feel like a zombie today! I was up and down most of the night with him. He hasn't napped well today either. I hope it's not like this everytime he gets shots.

He is starting to get his own little personality. I'll insert here that he gets his lack of patience from his father. Actually, he gets all bad qualities from his dad, right? In the last few days I have noticed that he tries to smile now. I've even heard what I thought may be a little laugh from him.

I love Kenny Chesney's song, "Don't Blink." It's so true. I feel as if I blinked and a month is gone! I just can't believe he's already a month old!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Parenting after Infertility....

I have had this blog swimming around in my head for the past 3 weeks. I couldn't seem to find the time to get it down to share with caring for a newborn. It's hard to believe that my son will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. Where has the time gone?

If I had it to do over again, I would still opt for a c-section. I checked into the hospital on 02/10/09 around 5:30 a.m. I had to give my medical history and get the IV started, but at a little after 7 a.m. I was taken into the operating room for my epidural. Baby K entered the world at 7:53 a.m., and it was all over with. I was a mommy.

My first week at home was rough. I don't mean this in a way that sounds ungrateful, but I was completely overwhelmed. Call it postpartum, call it anxiety, but I believe that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I couldn't eat. I was so emotionally distraught that I was vomiting and had major stomach issues. As I would get up to feed Baby K, all I could think was, "I don't know if I can do this..." I believe I was having a hard time bonding with Baby K. It's almost as if I didn't know how to find closure for the chapter in my life titled "infertility."

The second week was much better. Perhaps I was getting use to the sleep deprivation. Baby K wakes every 2 hours to nurse, so I decided to supplement him with some formula also. This relieved some of the stress from breast feeding off of me. Now, I nurse during the day and he takes bottles at night. Even though he still wakes every 2-2.5 hours, I easily get out of bed and greet him with open arms. I love to watch his facial expressions while he is sleeping. He smiles, and it melts my heart.

Infertility robbed me from so many good moments in our lives over the last five years. I don't know how I did it, but I finally kissed goodbye to that evil curse. I will say that parenting is much harder than I expected it to be. Most days I feel as if I am a zombie. But infertility gave me something very special that I had failed to recognize: I have so much love, appreciation, and thanksgiving for this little life. I don't know that if I had gotten pregnant easily that I would feel so blessed by his presence in my life. I have never loved anyone in the way that I love my son. The bond that I now share with him is incomparable to any other bond I've ever felt before.

Yesterday at church, my associate pastor sang a song that says, "Somebody's praying, I can feel it. Somebody's praying for me." I can't express my gratitude to the people who prayed for me during this time in my life. I am still praying for those of you waiting on your answered prayers faithfully. I pray for God to give you peace admist your waiting.

I'll leave you with these: