Monday, March 2, 2009
Parenting after Infertility....
I have had this blog swimming around in my head for the past 3 weeks. I couldn't seem to find the time to get it down to share with caring for a newborn. It's hard to believe that my son will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. Where has the time gone?
If I had it to do over again, I would still opt for a c-section. I checked into the hospital on 02/10/09 around 5:30 a.m. I had to give my medical history and get the IV started, but at a little after 7 a.m. I was taken into the operating room for my epidural. Baby K entered the world at 7:53 a.m., and it was all over with. I was a mommy.
My first week at home was rough. I don't mean this in a way that sounds ungrateful, but I was completely overwhelmed. Call it postpartum, call it anxiety, but I believe that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I couldn't eat. I was so emotionally distraught that I was vomiting and had major stomach issues. As I would get up to feed Baby K, all I could think was, "I don't know if I can do this..." I believe I was having a hard time bonding with Baby K. It's almost as if I didn't know how to find closure for the chapter in my life titled "infertility."
The second week was much better. Perhaps I was getting use to the sleep deprivation. Baby K wakes every 2 hours to nurse, so I decided to supplement him with some formula also. This relieved some of the stress from breast feeding off of me. Now, I nurse during the day and he takes bottles at night. Even though he still wakes every 2-2.5 hours, I easily get out of bed and greet him with open arms. I love to watch his facial expressions while he is sleeping. He smiles, and it melts my heart.
Infertility robbed me from so many good moments in our lives over the last five years. I don't know how I did it, but I finally kissed goodbye to that evil curse. I will say that parenting is much harder than I expected it to be. Most days I feel as if I am a zombie. But infertility gave me something very special that I had failed to recognize: I have so much love, appreciation, and thanksgiving for this little life. I don't know that if I had gotten pregnant easily that I would feel so blessed by his presence in my life. I have never loved anyone in the way that I love my son. The bond that I now share with him is incomparable to any other bond I've ever felt before.
Yesterday at church, my associate pastor sang a song that says, "Somebody's praying, I can feel it. Somebody's praying for me." I can't express my gratitude to the people who prayed for me during this time in my life. I am still praying for those of you waiting on your answered prayers faithfully. I pray for God to give you peace admist your waiting.
I'll leave you with these: