Monday, March 2, 2009

Parenting after Infertility....


I have had this blog swimming around in my head for the past 3 weeks. I couldn't seem to find the time to get it down to share with caring for a newborn. It's hard to believe that my son will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. Where has the time gone?

If I had it to do over again, I would still opt for a c-section. I checked into the hospital on 02/10/09 around 5:30 a.m. I had to give my medical history and get the IV started, but at a little after 7 a.m. I was taken into the operating room for my epidural. Baby K entered the world at 7:53 a.m., and it was all over with. I was a mommy.

My first week at home was rough. I don't mean this in a way that sounds ungrateful, but I was completely overwhelmed. Call it postpartum, call it anxiety, but I believe that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I couldn't eat. I was so emotionally distraught that I was vomiting and had major stomach issues. As I would get up to feed Baby K, all I could think was, "I don't know if I can do this..." I believe I was having a hard time bonding with Baby K. It's almost as if I didn't know how to find closure for the chapter in my life titled "infertility."

The second week was much better. Perhaps I was getting use to the sleep deprivation. Baby K wakes every 2 hours to nurse, so I decided to supplement him with some formula also. This relieved some of the stress from breast feeding off of me. Now, I nurse during the day and he takes bottles at night. Even though he still wakes every 2-2.5 hours, I easily get out of bed and greet him with open arms. I love to watch his facial expressions while he is sleeping. He smiles, and it melts my heart.

Infertility robbed me from so many good moments in our lives over the last five years. I don't know how I did it, but I finally kissed goodbye to that evil curse. I will say that parenting is much harder than I expected it to be. Most days I feel as if I am a zombie. But infertility gave me something very special that I had failed to recognize: I have so much love, appreciation, and thanksgiving for this little life. I don't know that if I had gotten pregnant easily that I would feel so blessed by his presence in my life. I have never loved anyone in the way that I love my son. The bond that I now share with him is incomparable to any other bond I've ever felt before.

Yesterday at church, my associate pastor sang a song that says, "Somebody's praying, I can feel it. Somebody's praying for me." I can't express my gratitude to the people who prayed for me during this time in my life. I am still praying for those of you waiting on your answered prayers faithfully. I pray for God to give you peace admist your waiting.

I'll leave you with these:




18 comments:

Lisa said...

Elaine - He is absolutely beautiful. I agree with you when you talk so sweetly about your son. I sit and think about whether or not my feelings would be less strong if I would have conceived my son so easily. I do know that he is my whole life and I would do anything for him. INFERTILITY can be such a bad thing, but it can also bring you great blessings at the end. I know that it brought my husband and I closer and at the end we were blessed with our beautiful miracle.

I am so happy for you and I am thankful that things are going a little bit more smoothly there around your home. It just gets better from here so hang on tight and enjoy the most wonderful ride of your life. Parenthood can be hard, but it brings great blessings as well.

Hugs,
Lisa

Fertilized said...

What a gorgeous lil one!

Parenting in the first 4 months is ROUGH! I had many nights I thought I justwas not going to make it another hour. You are not alone in these thoughts or breakdowns. Hormones don't help either. Know that you have plenty on your blog that will always listen to you if you need to vent. You have the right to Vent and get frustrated Because.This.Is.HARD. i am so glad that you are enjoying the throws of motherhood. You are going good things for yourself and your baby! Keep on going

i am very glad to read that you feel the infertility blues have left you.

Elaine - God Bless you and your family

Alex and Jill said...

Elaine,

Your baby boy is precious. I love that you were completely honest when writing about your first weeks as a mother.

I am so happy for you!!

Keep those pics of Baby K coming. :)

((HUGS))

uncomplicateme said...

Mmm, he's a little chunk of heaven. Thank you for sharing him with us. So glad to see you made it to the "other side" of pregnancy. I feel like I'm entering te realm of the unknown sometimes.

Joannah said...

He is so beautiful! You are a lucky mommy. I hope it continues to get easier and more enjoyable as the days progress.

Blessings!

Mindy said...

BEAUTIFUL pictures!!!!!!!

Deidre said...

The 'healthiest' place to be is when you can look at infertility and see the positive and the blessings. It's hard to do that until you're on the other side of it because only then it seems to make a 'little' sense to us.

I love this beautiful post ... very well written and I love the first picture of the three of you. Praise the Lord ... what a sweet family!

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Elaine.. You presious little man is BEAUTIFUL. I'm so happy for you. Sounds normal how you felt when you came home. Everyone does differently, but when my mom had her last child I was 12 yrs old and remember that she felt depressed and didn't know why "at the time." You are going to be a great mother!!! Keep the pics of baby k coming...

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Hi Elaine.. Just wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for the love ya award..

learningtobestillandknow said...

Oh Elaine! He is just beautiful! I am SO happy that you finally have your little miracle! And all without labor? You lucky girl! ;)

The Baker's said...

Elaine,
He is absolutely adorable.Congrats again, and thank you for the honesty of your first few weeks as a mommy. I do know that I am going to appreciate this little one more after he/she comes after having to go through the journey of IF, as I am sure all of us do that have been through the terrible journey.

Charnè said...

Elaine your litte boy is beautiful congrats again!!!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Those pictures are amazing! I love it.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had a little bit of a rough adjustment to parenthood, but I am glad to hear how thankful you are and how things are getting easier as you figure it out. Praise God!

Someone asked me the other day something life if we were excited about the baby. I have been thinking about this a lot. I've spent so much time thinking about getting pregnant, I didn't really think about actually what would happen when I get there. Now I can't think to parenting, it's just about getting through the pregnancy. I think it just is stages.

Continuing to pray for y'all.

~~HUGS~~

Soapchick said...

What a beautiful family! Love the pictures Elaine. You look soooo happy. Enjoy motherhood as I know you are!

The Pifer's said...

The very top picture brought tears to my eyes...your son is adorable as well as your family!!!!!

God Bless,
Tiffany
http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/

Amanda said...

He is beautiful as is your new family.

The power of prayer...need I say more.

Christy said...

These are just the sweetest pictures ever! Absolutely adorable!

Anne Elizabeth said...

Your son is so beautiful! I love these pictures.