|'Tis The Season of Thankfulness|
I hated infertility. I hated charting. I hated scheduling "time" with my husband. I hated seeing other pregnant bellies. I hated birth announcements. I hated fertility meds. I hated waking up with hotflashes. I hated Mothers Day. I hated seeing sad news stories of children being abused. I hated hearing that friends were expecting their 2nd child. I hated going to work. I hated getting out of bed. I hated 2 week waits. I hated BFN's. I hated life. I hated not understanding. I hated people who said, "Relax and it will happen." I hated people who asked, "...want to borrow my kids?" I hated life. I hated my body. I hated everything.
After reading all of that hatred, it's puzzling to see how one could ever find gratitude in an experience that perfected ripping my heart out, month after month. But I am thankful.
I am thankful, on Day 1, for the diagnosis of "unexplained infertility." Not knowing who or what to blame allowed me time to relinquish all control over what the future may or may not hold.