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| 'Tis The Season of Thankfulness |
Many of the blogs I follow are participating in the 30 Days of Thanksgiving. I am making a list of all the things I am thankful for on my primary blog, Killian Corner. However, I wanted to do something different on this blog and also try to make a list of 30 ways I am thankful (now) for infertility. It may seem a little outlandish to some, but stick around for a little bit. Its my sincere hope that it all will make sense to you in the end...
I hated infertility. I hated charting. I hated scheduling "time" with my husband. I hated seeing other pregnant bellies. I hated birth announcements. I hated fertility meds. I hated waking up with hotflashes. I hated Mothers Day. I hated seeing sad news stories of children being abused. I hated hearing that friends were expecting their 2nd child. I hated going to work. I hated getting out of bed. I hated 2 week waits. I hated BFN's. I hated life. I hated not understanding. I hated people who said, "Relax and it will happen." I hated people who asked, "...want to borrow my kids?" I hated life. I hated my body. I hated everything.
After reading all of that hatred, it's puzzling to see how one could ever find gratitude in an experience that perfected ripping my heart out, month after month. But I am thankful.
I am thankful, on Day 1, for the diagnosis of "unexplained infertility." Not knowing who or what to blame allowed me time to relinquish all control over what the future may or may not hold.
2 comments:
Love all the hates ;) You know what I mean!!! Glad you are on the other side of things now! Praise Him!
Thank you for your strength for sharing this! I know it will help so many. I never struggled with this But I did lose a set of twins before I had Caleb. I went into early labor around 5 months and lost them both. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of them and want to hold them...but I know I will one day!!! I cant wait either. Caleb and Karsyn know them as their guardian angels now. I also have several other stories I could share about my difficult pregnancies and what all my kids have endured since being born as well. So I cannot not relate to infertility but I do hurt for those who have or are currently going thru infertility. I know your testimony offers encouragement and hope.
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