30 Days of Thanksgiving: Day 2

30 Days of Thanksgiving For Infertility

Day 2
As I began this journey yesterday, I told you I was thankful for a diagnosis of "unexplained" infertility. 

Today, I am thankful for every tear that fell from my eyes (and there where many).  That may seem silly, but hear me out: 

Each tear helped me express my heartache.  Each tear helped me cope with the longing and the desires of my heart to be a mommy.  I know that the stress was so overwhelming for me that there were times I wondered if any of them (my tears) mattered to anyone.  Now, I'm so thankful that I chose to express my feelings in a healthy way...just having a good cry when I needed it, and to not be embarrassed by that act.  I would cry in the shower.  I would cry driving down the road.  I would cry when I talked to my friends about it.  I cried when I looked at my husband.  I cried so often, my life seemed incomplete.  But one things for certain--it was when my heart was truly broken and tears would stream down my face that I could call out to God in prayer and I felt His presence.  I knew that His heart was breaking for me.  He had once wept too.  And somehow, I felt that God and I were in unison during some of those moments.  I believe He fully understood how I felt, and I knew His heart was breaking for me too.  I knew despite all of those things that He loved me and that everything was going to be okay--because eventually the tears would stop and I'd find myself smiling again. 

So, on Day 2 of my month of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for tears and the ability to connect with the Lord on a personal level of empathy since He had once wept too.  The baby I once cried so often for, now cries for me.