Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Nothing really interesting...

Not too much is going on in the IF front. I am currently on cd12 so I am approaching what should be my peak--whether it actually is, and if I release a healthy egg, is a different story. I miss the days when I didn't care. My life seemed less stressful when I was content with life the way it was, and K was the one with baby fever. Since my m/c's, it's consumed every other thought for me. I just wish it didn't bother me so much and that I was more content.

A dear friend recommended this bible verse to me. I can't remember if I have shared it before, but repetition never hurts:

Philippians 4:11
"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

If only it were as easy to do as it is to read. I am to be content--no matter what state I am in. I have this verse everywhere. It's taped to my computer at work, it's the signature on my email. Just a friendly reminder from the One who knows my deepest hearts desire that I am to be content.

Today, as I was driving home, I was listening to a local Christian radio station when I heard a song. It's called "Bring on the Rain." How well stated! I felt as if Mercy Me was my Barnabas for this moment (For those of you in the bible study, you know what I mean. For those of you who aren't, Barnabas was used over and over in the Bible to be of encouragement to believers and non-believers. He was said to be full of the Holy Spirit and faith.) What a privilege only given to few these days. (Lord, bring on whatever circumstance (rain) it takes to keep me in the center of Your will. When I bicker and whine, remind me that it's the rain that makes life flourish and beautiful.)

Quick update on my co-worker. She is back at work now. We still haven't spoken. In fact, she hasn't as much as even made eye contact with me. I can't push all the blame on her though. I am not actually going out of my way to make amends either. I'm not bitter and I don't dislike her. I dislike her decisions, but they are her decisions to make.

I could really use some advice on how to handle this situation appropriately. It's a touchy subject for myself, but I have to find a way to move forward and not allow my personal emotions to get involved, or let this affect my walk with the Lord. (Satan, nice try...but it didn't work!)

She doesn't need my forgiveness, and I'm not sure why we are even angry anymore. I don't think we will ever be the same, but there has to be a way to use these circumstances to give God the glory. I do know that I want my reaction to be Christ-like...but as requested, advice welcome. Not sure what a Christian response would be for this situation. Who can be a Barnabas?


andrea_jennine said...

Reading the verse you posted, I was reminded of the verse that follows it: "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." That includes finding contentment in the midst of infertility, and it includes showing grace to your co-worker!

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

That was a good verse andrea pointed out... I've been gone a while and didn't see the posts about the co-worker, but Wow, I can't even imagine myself in that situation. Your relationship will never be the same, but you can have a godly attitude toward her. Hopefully conviction will set in, if she's a child of God it will.

Alison said...

You are right, your relationship will never be the same but there is nothing that says it has to be. God saves, not condems and we are called to His likeness. I know, it's easier said than done but through prayer, I have no doubt you will do good.

It's funny that you posted about contentment. I've really been thinking about that lately and I'm going to do what you did, in putting Phil 4:11 all over the place. Thanks for the idea!!