Thursday, December 13, 2007


I am livid at this very moment. I was thinking earlier today that I probably should schedule a yearly physical. So, I called. Can you believe that I have not had a physical since JAN 2005!?! As many times as I have been to the doctor and no one failed to notice that I was 3 years over due on a pap smear!!! I mean, I was in their office sometimes once per week. You think someone could of clued me in. I was poked and prodded so much in that time, how was I not to know that they weren't keeping up with that for me... Okay, so some of this may be my fault, but seriously....someone could of brought that to my attention.

Secondly, I haven't had that great of a day today. Do any of you find the holiday's tough? I stated in an earlier post that it was another year of an empty back seat in our car. Last night, I broke down at dinner in a public restaurant because of the conversation that K and I.

K: You really need to stop worrying so much. You worry about things 4 months from now, that no one else would worry about right now. I am going to take care to you. I need you to repeat that to me.

Me: I know you are going to take care of me.......BUT (the ever-dreaded "but" and when the tears started streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably) I learned my lesson on "not worrying." I never "worried" that I would be one of those people who couldn't have children. Now, that's all I worry about. I have to worry now....I learned my lesson.

Some topics I will discuss with my doctor tomorrow include:

  • Is my Endo back?
  • Is another Laparoscopy necessary?
  • If so, can you also fix my septum while you are "in there?"
  • Should I give IUI one last try before my remaining expensive injectible's expire.?
  • Is there something I can take for Panic Attacks that is safe while ttc?
  • Checking my cervical fluid to make sure I don't have any sort of infections.
I'll post tomorrow with the results.


Alison said...

I'm sorry Elaine. You have been trying far longer than me so I won't pretend to know how you feel. But I can sympathize and my heart breaks for you. Sometimes it is all I can think about and I find it so easy to compare myself to other "successful" couples. I HATE coveting. It only turns your attention AWAY from your own blessings. I just keep asking myself "Is God good?" and "Will you trust Him?". Praying for you!

Fertilize Me said...

Praying praying praying for you! I am sorry that life if chucking things at you right now


2 posts in one day!

first of all, i know what you mean. i feel like i am ALWAYS at the doctors, but it is always for a specific problem. found out over the summer that i hadn't had a physical in 3 years as well. needed one for work and was glad to get that taken care of.

the holidays can definitely be hard when you are ttc. it took 3 years to get pregnant for my hubby and i, so almost 4 years of childless holidays. my heart goes out to you. i lost my dad right around christmas, so i can relate to the sadness that accompanies such a joyous time.

i hope all goes well with your appt. i also maybe getting a lap done. my doc is not ready to do an iui yet which disappoints me b/c i had my heart set on it.

good luck tomorrow!

MoonNStarMommy said...

{{{BIG HUGS}}} I hope that your appointment went well today and you got answers to your questions (even remembering some of them is a great thing! LOL) I'm waiting for your post on how it all went. And just remember - you have the reason and right to rant any time you want, or cry if the need is there!!

Mindy said...

I hope your doctor's appointment went well and was productive.

Let us know and I will be praying for you!
In HIM -