Merry Christmas and update

First of all, Merry Christmas everyone! I am about to go off on a tangent--so for those who don't want to embrace my lack of Christmas cheer, please save this post reading for another day.

As a side note, if you have little one's in your family, stop and give them an extra special hug and kiss today, for there are many people who don't have the luxury of watching our children open gifts or seeing the expressions on their faces from what Santa has left. This is a sad time of year for those of us "without" even when we try our best to mask the deep despair and anguish that we feel.

It was 3 years ago today that I announced my first pregnancy to my Husband's family. We had tried for 14 months to finally have the news to share that our family of two would soon become three. On Dec. 30, marks the 3 year anniversary that I lost this baby, and hence the reason that Christmas will never be the same for me, ever again.

I said on the way to work this morning (unfortunately, we had to work on Christmas Eve), "Maybe next year, Elaine. Maybe next year." I've said these sad words for four years now, and it doesn't get any easier. But still, I have hope and think "just maybe."

I decided to seek an unbiased 2nd opinion. When I called another local OBGYN office, I explained some of my chart briefly and hi-lighted my disappointment with Dr. D and his failure to notice that my pap smear was 3 years outdated. This new office has agreed to work me in for a consultation on Dec. 27. I would really like to be treated as a new patient, and not a prior patient with a not-so-optimistic infertility history. On a brighter note, I have been pregnant 2 times on my own, so there could be something insignificant that has been overlooked and I am hoping that a new clinic will have a new diagnosis as well.

I dunno. Maybe this is just wishful thinking.

Anyways, I will update more later this week. Merry Christmas everyone! Next year brings a new hope that this will be our year. And for that hope, I am truly thankful.