Thankful Thursday

Well, it's been so long since I posted Thankful Thursdays, so I'll start by saying, I'm thankful that I am taking time out today to be thankful.

I am thankful that Amanda received her BFP and that her beta is rising so quickly. I am thankful that others have made it to milestone marks in their pregnancies (Farrah, Sadie, LIW, and Rebecca). You ladies give us the hope that AF sometimes destroys for us.

I am thankful that those who need comforting can find it among you faithful ladies.

I am thankful that I had the resources to pay off a loan last week. I am thankful that the tax incentive check that we should get (Thank you Uncle Sam) will be able to be deposited into our savings account.

I am thankful that I am finally over whatever "funk" I was in at the beginning of the week. (Did I mention that the build up of femara in my bloodstream is driving me bananas!)

I am thankful that I have a desire to eat healthier and take better care of my body right now than I have felt in years.

I am thankful for those of you who haven't left my blog while I was MIA during tax season.

I am thankful that I can express things here that I can't say to anyone else.

Have a blessed day!

...round 4 with new doc...

I had one of those days yesterday...you know, one of those cry at anything that goes slightly wrong days. Maybe it's the femara that is building up in my system...maybe it's the lack of sleep from the hot flashes (from the femara building up in my system)...or maybe it's just plain ol' frustration!

My doc was on vacation so I had to see another doctor. This doc wasn't very helpful...she kept telling me repeatedly that next time I needed to request to be seen by Dr. R. Hello?? Didn't I do that? I think it's because you have to be checked while AF is visiting, and like I really like sharing that with anybody...but I finally said..."Look, I can't help that I started my period whild Dr. R is on vacation. Do you think I really want to be sitting here either??" And the tears just started flowing... I think I made the new doc feel bad...if so...good. She needs to be more sensitive to IF patients needs than what she showed me yesterday.

Anyway, I left, new prescription in hand for another month of femara... So, off we go. I dropped the prescription off at the nearest pharmacy...told them I would be back in an hour to pick it up. Do you know, ladies, that I went back 4 hrs later and it still wasn't ready... So, I may of lost it...just a little. Poor guy working there. Anyway, I made it known that I wasn't happy that I gave them an extra 3 hours and it still wasn't ready. He said, "Mam, sometimes we get behind..." I said, "4 hours behind...??? You've got to be kidding me." I kind of feel like I need to stop and apologize to him today. It wasn't his fault...and I took out my day on him. :( Regardless, I got my prescription.

Came home to a hole in the rug of our living room. My sweet fur-son, Karter, decided to spring that one on me... how nice of him? I reprimanded him...and just sat down and cried for a while. What a crappy day!?!

On a brighter side, I registered for classes yesterday. I could only get into one class that I needed, but I am glad that I got in...even though it is an Internet course. I am officially on my way to become a teacher--the 2nd best job in the world...being a mom, of course is the best.
So, I am looking forward to the distraction.

I have something else going on right now. I promise to share later. Until then, I would appreciate your prayers for me and K.

Have a great week!

2 posts in one day....any thoughts on this?

Just wondering what some of my fellow IF'ers thoughts are on this:

Read this article.

I know that this is going to be a touchy topic, so let me just say this: Everyone has the right to choose their own sexual orientation (or gender) for that matter. That's what I love about this country. However, do I believe it's right for me? No. And I will just leave my opinion at that.

Even some "men" are more fertile than we are. Just sucks! How on earth did this happen?

Thoughts welcomed!

Hello All!

Hey Ladies,



Geez, has it really been two weeks since I last posted? Honestly, I haven't really had that much to say. My cycle is moving right along. Month #2 on Femera. So, no new news on the IF front.

Mexico was fabulous! I thoroughly enjoyed laying by the pool reading. I finished the 11th book of the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. (Ladies, I absolutely love this author. She is hilarious!!!!) One day, I actually took 2 naps. Funny how when I came back to the States, I felt like I need another vacation--especially after all the sleep I had!! The weather was gorgeous the first three days. Our last day, it was very windy so the ocean was red flagged and our snorkling trip was cancelled.

I will say, I definitely missed the food here. I love Mexican food, but Mexico's version of Mexican is nothing like we have here in NC. I couldn't wait to get some Southern food when we got home. (I made K stop at McD.onald's on the way home from the airport...You would have thought we hadn't eaten in days if you would of seen us chowing down on our food!)

Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well!

Back to the drawing board...

The Femera didn't work. I had the dreaded appearance of AF yesterday, but do admit, if she was coming to visit, I am glad it was this weekend. Next weekend we will be in Mexico. I am so excited to just get away from all this and relax on the beach somewhere. I have a call in at the doctor's office to see where we go from here. Last month, Dr. R was really disappointed to be treating me for infertility again. I tried to tell him I was the epiphany of the "hard to treat patient." I think he thought I was exaggerating... If nothing is wrong with us, why on earth are we still empty handed???? 5 years ladies.... I'm in a bit of a mood today, so I'll just leave this post with that!

50th post...time has flown by!

Hello Cyber-friends!

I've been a little MIA the last 2 weeks. Things have been extremely hectic at work/home! I've been trying to read and comment as time is available. I'm sorry if you have felt neglected :)

Wow...50 posts! I can't believe I've had this much to say! Nothing is really going on in the infertility front right now. I took Femera this cycle days 3-7, estrogen cream suppositories cyle days 10-17...so here we sit waiting for 8 more days.

K and I decided to go on Vacation for a few days at Easter. We wouldn't have to use so much vacation time since it's a holiday week, and it would really do us some good to get away from everything and just relax...so we just booked our trip, and I am so dang excited!

In honor of my 50th post I thought I'd give you a list of 50 things about me/my life/hobbies/likes/dislikes.

1. I start back school in August 2008 to become a Middle Grades Math/Science teacher.
2. I am currently waiting to see if I was accepted into the Appalachian State University cohort for #1 and should find out this week.
3. I have two fur babies: Kooper and Karter
4. I have worked at the same company for over 10 years.
5. I love to watch Reality TV.
6. Sushi is one of my favorite foods.
7. I still have the same best friend that I had in Elementary School.
8. My parents are still married (so is K's).
9. I have one older sister.
10. I hate when people pull out in front of me while driving.
11. I kinda/sorta scrapbook from time to time.
12. As I've grown older, I've learned that some things just aren't worth fighting over.
13. As I've grown older, I've learned that family is the most important thing in life.
14. I listen to all kinds of music, but am most fond of country.
15. I hate matching socks while doing laundry (and usually leave them until last).
16. I tend to be a procrastinator.
17. I am currently trying to read the bible all the way through. I have tried this many times before, but have made it the farthest (Numbers 21) on this try. (I'd appreciate your prayers on this one)
18. I like to text message.
19. My favorite band is Matchbox Twenty.
20. I dislike green peppers on pizza.
21. I am obsessed with my check book balancing down to the penny.
22. I carry hand sanitizer with me everywhere I go.
23. My closet is messy, but the rest of our home is always kept clean.
24. I can't see anything without my contacts in!
25. Eating anything with vinegar (ketchup, Italian dressing, BBQ sauce, salt & vinegar chips) makes my face feel flushed.
26. I have inherited #25 from my father.
27. I don't eat very healthy most of the time.
28. My favorite fruit is fresh pineapple.
29. I am an A*von representative.
30. My choice of soda is Cherry Coke (but I love Sweet Tea).
31. I don't have any tattoos.
32. I love spoiling my niece and many nephews.
33. I've only traveled outside the US once (Dominican Republic last fall).
34. I'm another spoiled American.
35. I'm not very materialistic and rarely buy anything that isn't on sale.
36. I sleep on my left side.
37. I am a suicide survivor (from back in high school).
38. I have a passion to work with kids who are around the same age that life became a roller coaster for me.
39. I have only given my testimony 2 times (once publicly to the youth at our church, and the 2nd over email).
40. I tend to be a people pleaser just to keep things peaceful.
41. Lately, I have pushed God to the back burner and am currently trying to find my way back to the fire I once had.
42. I only eat Chinese/Japanese food when it's really cold outside.
43. I am dreading the time change this weekend because I am not a morning person.
44. I am handling infertility the best I have ever handled it (if you want to say "best" to a circumstance like this) right now. It's just not as important as it once was.
45. I really need to clean my car inside/out.
46. I am tired of hearing about the election.
47. I am a Young and the Restless junkie (even though lately it has been boring!)
48. I need to feel important to the people I love.
49. I have an incredible spring fever!
50. Love taking naps at every opportunity I have a chance to take one!

There you have it folks. 50 Random things about me that I know you just were dying to find out. If you stuck it out through all of them, wow...

I hope you all have a blessed day!

Blog roll updated

Hello Ladies.

I just updated my blog roll. If you read my blog and don't see your name, please let me know. I would love to add you to my roll call and check in on you to see how things are going. I love you guys!

Doc. appt update

Good Morning Ladies,

Just wanted to give a brief update. AF did arrive right on time Saturday. Yesterday, I had to go back to Dr. R. He has switched me from Clomid to Femara. I've taken this med once before at my old doc's office. Dr. R said that my progesterone is really elevated, hence the reason he gave me estrogen suppositories last month. He said that doc's usually get dancing happy when progesterone is above 15. Mine was 85 on cd21 last month. He said that Femara would be a better drug for me because of the progesterone elevataion. He also switched me from the estrogen pill to an estrogen cream suppository.

Dr. R told me he really didn't think he would be seeing me again for IF treatment. When I told him, "oh, it's okay..." he was the one who was aggravated that the Clomid didn't work. (Now that's a welcomed change of emotion.) So, I left his office with the instructions to take the Femara cd 3-7, use Mucinex/Robitussin on cd 10-17, using ovulation predictors this month, and "spend" lots of time with K. Dr. R is on a mission to get us pregnant, and by george, that's where we want to be!

More blah, blah, blah

I wish I had news to report, but so far nothing-nadda-zippo news on the IF front. I did tempt fate and POAS this morning and it was negative, cd 27. I kind of knew it would be. I don't feel any differently, and I have zero symptoms to analyze over. My dear friend, Alison, wrote this post yesterday, and I felt like it could have been written by me. It just sucks.

K and I made a recent "splurge" purchase. This is what we got. It's not something we needed, but something I really wanted. In fact, we've had it over a week and I used it for the first time yesterday. I didn't want to take any "risks" incase the Super C was successful. So, for an entire week, I watched K use this while I sat back and watched.

Yesterday, I finally gave in. I broke down and used it myself for 7 minutes. And may I say, what a wonderful, relaxing, refreshing 7 minutes they were. The way I see it, AF will be arriving with all her glory tomorrow and Saturday, so why wait any longer to start working on my perfect tan? I secretely hoped that after making this purchase that I would be unable to use it for a good 9-10 months. (Honestly, that is usually the way my luck runs-backwards!) Oh well...at least its a distraction for now.

K told me if I could find one for 0% financing we could get one. Not only was I able to do that, but I also found a place that as an added bonus, you received a free 5 day/4 night cruise. So we are going to Nassau sometime later this year.

Even though I am happy, I am incredibly sad that I can use it freely now. It just really sucks!

Nothing New

I have been MIA the past week or so. I am so sorry if my blogging buddies feel neglected! Nothing new to report on the infertility front. I am at cd 20 today, so one more week to go to find out if the Super C worked or not. Anyway, I hope to get caught back up on my blog reading this weekend! Hope you all are having a fabulous week.

Oh yeah, before I forget: Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for rain that we received this week. (We are still in drout-like conditions.)
I am thankful that my birthday came and passed, and that the Lord has blessed me with another year.
I am thankful that we get $ back on our taxes! (Can I get an Amen Ladies?)
I am thankful that I have such a wonderful husband. (I know I say this often, but I do appreciate him every single day of my life.)

Who turned off the AC?....and tagged

I finished up the last of my clomid pills on Saturday. Let's just say, even with the estrogen suppositories, the hot flashes have been frequent. I've woken more times than I care to, sticky and clammy of sweat, feeling the need to rip every shred of clothing from my body. After the moment passes, I feel back to my old self, and slowly dread the time until the next big one. The mood swings are pretty bad too! But, I can deal with those better than the hot flashes! K would rather I have the hot flashes, I'm sure, since he's referred to me as "evil" the past few days. It's the hormones people!!!

I've been tagged by Kelly over at the Quest for Baby Agosti. The rules are simple: Link to the person who tagged you, list the rules in your blog, Share six non-important quirks about yourself, Tag at least 3 people, leave those you tagged a comment so they can play too.

1. When I was 6, I once tried to make income selling saltines in our driveway. You know, some kids sell lemonade or cupcakes. Yeah, well, I loved crackers (and still do) and I couldn't see why anyone wouldn't want to stop in and buy some. I can still remember one truck teasing me that they were going to pull in. The couple was older and they were laughing hysterically. I was so mad at the time, but now I get it. I am pleased to know that I could have brought so much humor to those folks on this day.

2. I once ran up our family's phone bill by calling the Papa Smurf hot line! I loved the Smurfs cartoon! I just wanted to hear Papa Smurf tell me a story over the phone. I didn't know it was $2.99/minute? I think I ran up the bill $150 and I was grounded from ever calling in anywhere like that, ever again.

3. I am notorious to never closing things. I leave drawers, doors, bags, etc. open. Actually, I half heartily push them close, but I never close drawers completely! My husband says that I subconsciously know that he is coming behind me to shut them all. I honestly, don't even realize I am doing it!

4. Like #3, I almost always never zip my pants. My friends say it's because I button first, but I always seem to forget to zip my pants! Does anyone see a pattern here?

5. I love to take naps on Sunday's. Sometimes, I think that's what gets me through my weeks. K and I go to church, eat lunch, and nap until time to go back to church. I just love this time, and I feel so refreshed and relaxed when I wake up.

6. I once set my bed on fire by playing with matches UNDER the bed. I had finally figured out how to strike a lighter (and I was practicing!). Fortunately, my dad was able to drag the mattress outside before it caused any severe damage to our house!

My parents use to tell me, "When you grow up, I hope you have 10 kids just like yourself!" Awe, the irony in those words. I would love to have 10 kids, but from my own experience, I know I must: block all pay-calls from our land line, hide all lighters or matches, keep a vast supply of saltines, and get the drawer/door closing under control (I don't know if K could handle two or more of me).

I tag Sadie and Tyson, Jen, and Rebecca (if she feels up to it :).

Here we go...

I had to go see my new doc, Dr. R, this a.m. for a pelvic exam before we can begin the clomid. I forgot to shave my legs! How embarrassing! (And, let me tell you, I haven't shaved in at least a week! It's the winter-I don't shave every day!!! After this experience, however, I may start shaving every day!) The good news is that Dr. R didn't even notice, or if he did, he didn't say anything.

In case you have forgotten, I just love my new doc. He is so witty and comical. Today, I asked him about the hot flashes that I've been having since doing the injectible ovulation drugs. I was told that I have OCD. Dr. R kind of chuckled and said that it wasn't meant to be derogatory, so I said "Thank you..." and sort of laughed. He just said that I was so "in tune" to my body, that I had obviously read "the book." I think this could of rubbed some patients the wrong way, but I thought it was funny. I've always just assumed I've had OCD, so now I know!

Anyway, I am going to be taking 5 days of 100mg of Clomid. Dr. R usually prescribes it days 5-9. I took clomid for one month at my last dr's office, except days 3-7. So, Dr. R wants me to do it this month days 4-8. He also gave me a complementary estrogen suppositories sample pack. (He really is trying to save me some $). This is new to me. I've had progesterone suppositories before, but not estrogen.

So, ready or not, here we go....who am I kidding? Of course we are ready!!!

Frustrations...

Wouldn't you know that when I actually want that old-hag Aunt Flo to show up so I can begin the Clomid this cycle, she would be difficult and take her sweet time. I should of started yesterday. I've been so regular the past 10 years, that I can tell you before or after lunch when she is going to show. She is late...a whole day late!!! So, being the pregnancy test addict that I am, I took a test, which was negative...of course it was negative. It's been negative for the last 66 cycles (with the exception of 2 lost pregnancies). So, come on AF! Rear your ugly head so I can get this show on the road! (Not to mention I am overly hormonal, short tempered, and emotional! I think I am driving my wonderful husband insane!)

***************************
Update: She's here! She's here! She's here! On to the Super C (clomid) we move this cycle.

Book

This is the book I am reading. It has been really good so far, and I am hoping to finish it this week. It isn't a prescription to get pregnant--but it has some pretty darn useful coping skills inside that can be used for just about any unwanted circumstance. This is what the back cover says:

Infertility is a heartbreaking condition that affects nine million American couples each year. It causes tremendous stress, it can trigger debilitating sadness and depression, and it can tear a marriage to shreds. In Conquering Infertility, Harvard psychologist Alice Domar--whom Vogue calls the "Fertility Goddess"--provides infertile couples with what they need most: stress relief, support, and hope. Using the innovative mind/body techniques she has perfected at her clinic, Domar helps infertile women not only regain control over their lives but also boost their chances of becoming pregnant. With Alice Domar's renowned program, women learn how to cope with infertility in a much more positive way and to carve a path toward a rich, full, happy life.

Benefit from wise, comforting words on:

• Sustaining a Career during Infertility
• Coping when friends and family members become pregnant
• Navigating the medical maze
• Other options when treatment fails.

My responses through out the entire book thus far has been:

"Wow, I thought I was the only one who felt this way."

"I'm not as crazy as I thought I was."

"What I am feeling is perfectly normal."

Just wanted to share the title if anyone was interested.

Dr. Domar sums it up best when she says: "You will be happy again. Life will become joyful again. And somehow, some way if you want to become a parent, you will."

Blah, blah, blah...

Nothing really important to say especially on the infertility front.

I am officially in the 2ww (almost 1ww now) and I am trying not to obsess about whether this cycle is successful or not. I've been reading a really good book on infertility that has brought a lot of things into prospective for me. I am going to post about it when I am finished with the title and my thoughts after reading it. I'm a little over half way finished with it now.

My current goal is trying to live in the "now" rather than the future. Lately, anytime thoughts of tomorrow, the next day, or next week, etc. creep into my mind, I stop and try to be mindful of my current "now." It has really helped me feel better emotionally, and I can tell ya, my husband has appreciated that. Now, if only I can have this same mindful mindset if/when AF arrives next week.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Thankful Thursday...

I am thankful for a NEW YEAR, which brings new, restored hope.

I am thankful for the recent rain NC has received.

I am thankful to have found a new doctor's office. I am thankful to feel as if as a patient, I am finally in good hands.

I am thankful for new blogging friends who can become prayer partners.

I am thankful that my Christmas present from K (massage package) made me feel physically and emotionally better. I am thankful that my massage therapist is a Christian and for the gift God has given her in her hands.

I am thankful that I was able to sleep soundly the past two nights.

I am thankful for my husband, who I love more every day.

Predictions for 2008

I got this off of an inspirational email group I subscribe to. It was too awesome not to repost.

TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2008

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.
---DaRhonda Roberts

HSG...

My tubes are open. Yay!!!! This was my 2nd HSG, and it wasn't as painful since I did prepare by taking the Ibuprofen. I recommend that to all of you lucky ladies who have HSG's in your near future. Lots of cramping, but thank goodness, it didn't hurt near as bad this time around. Thanks for all of your kind words and prayers! I really appreciate all of you....

There's still Hope...

We went to our new OBGYN office yesterday. I must say I am pleased with our new doctor. He was very easy to talk to and it turns out that he and his wife also have been in our shoes. (Makes me wish I would have changed doc's sooner since this is the reason I stayed so long with Dr. D.) Basically, we are starting completley over with our treatment cycles. Unfortunately, I must have my HSG repeated today (to make sure my tubes are still open). This was extremely painful for me last time, but the new doc, Dr. R assured me that pain in this case was a good sign. It meant that my tubes were be flushed of whatever clutter they contain, hence the pain. So, I have prepped by taking 800 mg of Ibuprofin and hoping that it won't be so uncomfortable this go around.

Our next move, pending my tubes are still open, is to begin Clomid for a good, solid 6 months. I only used this drug for one month at old doc's office, and Dr. R suggested that it really wasn't long enough to see if it was working. So, off to clomid we go beginning next cycle. (I am excited, but have to say, I don't look forward to the hotflashes or night sweats. Yuck!) At this point, I am willing to try anything.

More to say, but will save for another post. He assured me to still remain hopeful, but to get my stress level undercontrol. (Easier said than done, huh ladies?)

7 Random Things....

I will consider myself tagged by Jen. What a nice way to break from all the serious infertility stuff that most of us share in common.

1. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Accounting from here. However, after working in accounting for the past 9 years, I made the decision to return to school to pursue a 2nd Bachelor's degree in Middle Grades Education with concentrations in Math and Science. I am a career student. I love school, taking classes, cramming for exams, and writing papers. I passed the Praxis I on the first attempt (Thank you Lord) and have been waiting to find out if I have been accepted to a new college, namely, here, beginning August 2008. (More to come on this in the Spring as I find out if I am one of the 30 candidates accepted. Fortunately, I have a leg up on most applicants since I currently hold a BA and have passed the Praxis I).

K is also returning this spring to get his Masters, so this is going to be a very busy year for us.

2. I am the youngest child. I have one older sister who I have grown to appreciate with age. She currently has 2 kids, a boy and a girl. K is the youngest child also, with one older brother and one older sister. They each have one son! K also had a brother he never met who died at age 7 playing with gasoline and matches. K and this sibling share the same birth date, Sept 11.

3. I have survived a horrific car accident. When I was 17 years old, I ran off the road and over-corrected hitting another vehicle head-on. I suffered 2 broken legs, a fractured pelvis, broken foot, collapsed lung, cuts, and bruises, and was air lifted to a trauma center. I spent 30 days in the hospital, 6 of which were in ICU. I was released from the hospital one day before my 18th birthday. Unfortunately, this all occurred at the beginning of my second semester of my Senior year of high school, so instead of counting down the days until graduation I was home schooled so I could graduate with my class. I learned to walk again before Senior Prom and walked to get my diploma. This is one of the proudest moments in my life. I over came most odds and I am hoping that history will repeat itself.

4. K and I got engaged only 4 months after we began dating. So many people said that we were moving too fast, but when it feels right, you just know. We continued to date for an entire year before our wedding. We have currently been married 4 1/2 years and I am thankful that we have experienced more love in this time than some people experience their entire lives.

5. I am a teaching myself to play the guitar. My parents and K surprised me with a guitar for Christmas after hearing me talk about how much I wanted to learn to play it. It was such a special gift for me, and I almost cried when I opened it. I can proudly report that I can play 2 songs, Ode to Joy and Jiggle Bells...the book I have teaches you string by string, and I can now play 2 strings. Yay!

6. I am addicted to my DVR. I don't know how I ever survived reality TV without it. I am an addict of any reality shows, American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother, etc. I also enjoy watching Cops, America's Most Wanted, 48 Hour Mysteries, and Forensic Files. (I use to want to be a police officer before I found my love for crunching numbers.) I also watch The Young and the Restless daily. I've been watching it for 15 years or more.

7. I am the mother to two fur babies, our dogs, Kooper and Karter. They are Carin Terriers like the dog on the Wizard of Oz. Karter had inherited my personality. He's the lap dog who loves to snuggle and tends to be a little slow to learning new tricks. Kooper, must be the mail-man's because he doesn't act like me or K. He is very temperamental. Basically, he doesn't like to be petted, talked to, or looked at for that matter. We can say his name and he looks at us and walks the other direction. He likes to sleep (guess he gets that from me). We have taken him to the vet and all we have determined is "he's just made this way." He is the most unsociable dog I've ever met. I don't think he likes us, but we love and spoil him all the same.

I tag all my wonderful buddies too.