Monday, November 26, 2007

A bit depressing...

Well, Thanksgiving has came and gone. Now, the Christmas rush is moving full pace! I opted not to shop on black Friday. I don't see much enjoyment in shopping in that type of environment, no matter how much money I would have saved. I feel uncomfortable in large shopping crowds and lose my patience very quickly. Actually, patience isn't a strong virtue that God has given me. I prayed for patience once--and well, I'm still "patiently" waiting. Lesson learned on that one--be careful what you ask God for.

I am sort of down today. K would call it "ill" and "what have you done with my wife?" I know it. Another month of failure... I just don't get it. I don't feel like I am asking for any blessing that anyone else doesn't deserve. But yet, God has yet to answer. Every year I get this way--It's approaching the date of when I found out I was pregnant with baby #1, and the date that I lost baby #1. It's another year with an empty back seat and a hope that "next year" we'll be taking a baby with us to the family Christmas celebration.

We've had +50 unsuccessful cycles now... Life just doesn't seem very fair today. I feel like I am going to cry at any given moment.

7 comments:

Deidre said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling down today, Elaine. I feel for you and know exactly how you feel. There are no words anyone can offer to take the hurt away. I always hesitate to offer any advice and say silly cliches that I know won't help anyway. Just know that I'm praying for you today (right now, actually). I love you and hope you feel 'better' soon.

AwkwardMoments said...

I am just so sorry that life is unfair.

Yetty said...

this may not be the best advise, but it works for me...CRY! Have a good cry & then lay all your cares at God's feet in plain english. No KJV phrases here. Tell Him like it is. He may not drop a baby on your lap there & then, but He'll definitely put a balm on your wound. Please hang in there & don't give up.

Searching said...

It's not fair and I'm so very sorry. Definately cry. Alot, as much as you want. You are in my prayers.

Confessions of a momaholic said...

when you do get pregnant....b/c i have all faith that you will...it will be the most wonderful moment.

i can't imagine the heartache around the time of your loss.

remember...it is okay to feel sad. it is alright to cry. although it is hard to understand; God has a plan for you and someday you will understand this.

HUGS!!!

Mindy said...

Elaine,
I am so sorry you were down yesterday and I hope that today is better.
I will be praying for you and your husband while you wait on the Lord.
In HIM -
Mindy

Soapchick said...

Hi Elaine - I've been reading your blog for about a month now, and I'm always so inspired by your faith and gratitude. However, it's okay to feel down once in a while - you are human and it's hard to accept that life isn't fair. I don't like that part of life either. Sometimes I get angry because God's plan doesn't make sense to me.....but through the valleys He is always there for us. He knows our pain. He will lift you up.