Monday, November 26, 2007

A bit depressing...

Well, Thanksgiving has came and gone. Now, the Christmas rush is moving full pace! I opted not to shop on black Friday. I don't see much enjoyment in shopping in that type of environment, no matter how much money I would have saved. I feel uncomfortable in large shopping crowds and lose my patience very quickly. Actually, patience isn't a strong virtue that God has given me. I prayed for patience once--and well, I'm still "patiently" waiting. Lesson learned on that one--be careful what you ask God for.

I am sort of down today. K would call it "ill" and "what have you done with my wife?" I know it. Another month of failure... I just don't get it. I don't feel like I am asking for any blessing that anyone else doesn't deserve. But yet, God has yet to answer. Every year I get this way--It's approaching the date of when I found out I was pregnant with baby #1, and the date that I lost baby #1. It's another year with an empty back seat and a hope that "next year" we'll be taking a baby with us to the family Christmas celebration.

We've had +50 unsuccessful cycles now... Life just doesn't seem very fair today. I feel like I am going to cry at any given moment.

7 comments:

Deidre said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling down today, Elaine. I feel for you and know exactly how you feel. There are no words anyone can offer to take the hurt away. I always hesitate to offer any advice and say silly cliches that I know won't help anyway. Just know that I'm praying for you today (right now, actually). I love you and hope you feel 'better' soon.

Fertilize Me said...

I am just so sorry that life is unfair.

gracechild said...

this may not be the best advise, but it works for me...CRY! Have a good cry & then lay all your cares at God's feet in plain english. No KJV phrases here. Tell Him like it is. He may not drop a baby on your lap there & then, but He'll definitely put a balm on your wound. Please hang in there & don't give up.

Searching said...

It's not fair and I'm so very sorry. Definately cry. Alot, as much as you want. You are in my prayers.

WISHING...HOPING...and PRAYING said...

when you do get pregnant....b/c i have all faith that you will...it will be the most wonderful moment.

i can't imagine the heartache around the time of your loss.

remember...it is okay to feel sad. it is alright to cry. although it is hard to understand; God has a plan for you and someday you will understand this.

HUGS!!!

Mindy said...

Elaine,
I am so sorry you were down yesterday and I hope that today is better.
I will be praying for you and your husband while you wait on the Lord.
In HIM -
Mindy

soapchick said...

Hi Elaine - I've been reading your blog for about a month now, and I'm always so inspired by your faith and gratitude. However, it's okay to feel down once in a while - you are human and it's hard to accept that life isn't fair. I don't like that part of life either. Sometimes I get angry because God's plan doesn't make sense to me.....but through the valleys He is always there for us. He knows our pain. He will lift you up.