Thursday, May 6, 2010

Basket of Nerves

I am 12w2d pregnant and I am a basket case. My anxiety has sky rocketed with this pregnancy compared to when I was pregnant with Baby K. I called the dr. on Tues to request to be seen because I was having some very mild cramping. I really felt as if I were going to have a panic attack before I could get to the office. I couldn't see Dr. Wonderful, but I saw the NP who I thought was excellent. She was completely compassionate and understanding to my concerns. She did an internal exam and my cervix is still closed. She said my uterus is a nice round size. And, thankfully, we were able to find the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. It was a nice, strong heartrate of 164.

She also told me that although it wasn't completely unheard of, at 12 weeks having a miscarriage is extremely uncommon. She even told me, "your chance of miscarriage are diminishing while you sit here." That made me feel much better.

I left with a sigh of relief and a diagnosis that the cramping was coming from a ligament that is close to where my uterus is expanding.

Yesterday, I had a great day. The cramping had completely subsided and I felt really good--more confident. When I arrived home from school around 9 pm, I volunteered to put Baby K to bed. K has been so good about preventing me from lifting him. He's such a big boy now--almost 26lbs. So, K carried him upstairs and put him in my arms so I could rock him to sleep. After rocking him, I stood to lay him down inside of his crib.

Then I went to the bathroom. That's when I saw it... Brown spotting!

I admit, I have researched all there is to be researched about pregnancy and spotting since I experienced it here. I know that brown is not a cause of concern...

So, why do I fall apart? Why do I feel as if my body is playing mind games on me? Why am I "over-reacting"?

I called my nurse to report the spotting and ask if it was because of the pelvic exam. She agrees that it is likely the culprit, but I have been instructed to keep my eye on it and if it gets worse to call immediately. Or, if cramping begins go to the ER.

Praise God for no cramping!

So, am I a basket case? I never experienced any of this with Baby this is all new to me. It's killing K that he can't "fix it" to make me feel comfortable in this pregnancy. It's killing me that I won't feel comfortable until I'm holding this sweet baby in my arms on Nov. 10.

Prayers appreciated for my body to cooperate and to get my anxiety under control.

Sorry, I haven't posted ultrasound pics. I will do that soon--perhaps after Mother's Day. I am still praying for so many of you in waiting.


Anonymous said...

Hello Elaine, you don't know me, but I just wanted to tell you that your blog gives me a lot of hope. We're praying for a baby for many years now, and your blog helps me to keep believing. Thank you so much. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Father, in Jesus name I worship you. I bless you and give you praise. Father, I come to you in Jesus' name and through the blood of Jesus Christ to ask you to protect and bless the baby in my womb.

Thank you Father, that every good and perfect gift comes from you. I am happy that I am pregnant. You have blessed me with a baby.

Lord you said all that you create or created is good (Genesis 1: 25). I thank you, Father, that the baby already formed in my womb is your workmanship created in true perfection according to your power.

Father, all your works are beautiful and magnificent to behold. They are wonderfully finished. All your works are perfect, for every good and perfect gift comes from you (James 1:17). I thank you for a perfect baby in Jesus' name.

I condemn every tongue that has risen against me and my
baby, in accordance with your word.

My baby will grow well. I shall put to bed a very healthy child. I cover the baby in my womb with the precious blood of Jesus.

Greetings from Germany

Amanda said...

(((hugs))) I wish I could take the anxiety away. I'm glad to hear that physically things are going very well and hope the emotional side calms down for you soon. You're all in my thoughts and prayers!

Mindy said...

Elaine! I just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you to have HIS peace during this pregnancy!!!!

in HIM-

Mel said...

Thanks so much for updating, you have been on my heart. I am glad to hear all is well, albeit nerve racking and quite tortuous for you! I don't know that there was ever a moment in my pregnancy where I didn't have in the back of my mind somewhere that it could all end at any moment. It is so hard. I will pray for your peace and the strength of your baby.

The Lynchs said...

I'm so sorry you are having so much anxiety - I wish I was closer so I could deliver a big tub of extra chocolate ice cream :-)

Since I'm not, know that I'm praying for you, and praying that HIS peace would surround you right now!

'I'm leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So, don't be troubled or afraid.' (John 14:27)

KateandCodyWhite said...

Elaine, it was good to hear an update... As you know we had our little ones around the same time and I am 5 weeks from having my 2nd one. Hopefully this will help you but the 2nd pregnancy is so much more uncomfortable then the first. My Ob says being pg for the 2nd time is like being 90 with arthritis...Stay calm I know its hard but you will feel a lot more aches, pains and cramps. Your body is restretching and I was also paranoid. After having an mc and all the infertility we did for Hailey... many blessings your way... keep on trucking and all will be well... my guess is a Girl, just throwing it out there ;)