Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Checking in...

I am exhausted. For those of you who aren't aware, I am currently going back to school to become a teacher, in addition to working full time, being a wife to my wonderful husband & a mommy to a 5-month old (EEEK!!!!). To say my life is busy, is an understatement. I am blessed, none-the-less.

I have a complex about my life. You see, I thought expanding my family by 10 little toes would solve all of my insecurity issues. Some of you told me it wouldn't, that only I could change those... you were right. Having a baby has made me more secure in some ways, but I am still insecure in others.

Have you ever allowed yourself to love someone with every bit of your being? This is how I feel about my husband, my child, my parents... How on earth did that not scare the bee-gee-bee's out of you? It terrifies me. I mostly worry about if my marriage will abruptly end one day. It would devestate me. There isn't anything in particular that K does to make me feel this way. He tries to make me feel secure, but I still don't. I also worry about "what if something happens to me?" or worse, "What if something happens to him or Baby k? Or, my parents?"

I'm weird like that, I guess. I'm in a funky place right now. Emotionally, Socially, Spiritually. I am somewhere caught between where I was and where I want to be...and I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

I'm sorry this post is such a downer today. I'm in a rut. This is an odd request, and I'm sure I have left many of you lost, but would you mind praying for me today? Specifically that I stop feeling so insecure and trust people in my life more, that I get back to being spiritually where I was, and that I stop allowing Satan to have this hold over my "happiness," because I do know, clear-cut without a doubt, this is the Enemy.

Thank you all! I love you guys!


Janna said...

I totally get the rut! I am in one as well, and honestly I think my rut is from pouring so much of myself into the girls and Jon and keeping up with life that I've forgotten how to relax and just enjoy life. And when something goes wrong or just doesn't go like I thought it would, I'm very hard on myself. I have prayed for you, sweet bloggy friend, and I will continue to lift you up!

Charnè said...

sending you hugs

Tyson and Sadie said...

Elaine, I read that and thought it could have been me posting! I think I'm in a similar place. I'll pray for you!