Update...

After yesterday's melt down, I took your advice. I cried, ranted, pleaded, begged, cried, prayed, popped some Ex.cedrin (because all that crying gave me a raging headache), showered, cried out to God in hopes that he would give me peace in my moment of despair. He provided, as He always does, even when I am throwing myself one raging pity party. I felt better. Isn't it weird how even when you think you are all prayed out about something, you find a way to pray again. Thank God for the Holy Spirit intervening on my behalf at the throne of God and saying to the Father all those things that were inaudible through my tears and sobs.

Thank you, dear friends, for your advice and prayers. You have helped me maintain my sanity for another day...and I should rejoice, for this is a day that the Lord has made.

A bit depressing...

Well, Thanksgiving has came and gone. Now, the Christmas rush is moving full pace! I opted not to shop on black Friday. I don't see much enjoyment in shopping in that type of environment, no matter how much money I would have saved. I feel uncomfortable in large shopping crowds and lose my patience very quickly. Actually, patience isn't a strong virtue that God has given me. I prayed for patience once--and well, I'm still "patiently" waiting. Lesson learned on that one--be careful what you ask God for.

I am sort of down today. K would call it "ill" and "what have you done with my wife?" I know it. Another month of failure... I just don't get it. I don't feel like I am asking for any blessing that anyone else doesn't deserve. But yet, God has yet to answer. Every year I get this way--It's approaching the date of when I found out I was pregnant with baby #1, and the date that I lost baby #1. It's another year with an empty back seat and a hope that "next year" we'll be taking a baby with us to the family Christmas celebration.

We've had +50 unsuccessful cycles now... Life just doesn't seem very fair today. I feel like I am going to cry at any given moment.

Playing catch up...

I haven't been blogging so much lately because, quite frankly, I haven't had the time. I am so busy this time of year, as are all of us. On top of the holidays, we are approaching year end at work which literally means, I must make sure all the "t's" are crossed, and the "i's" are dotted. Busy, busy, busy. So, the excitement that I once possessed for this time of year is starting to dwindle, as it does each year about this time. Now I start feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and restless until about mid-Feb when I finally feel like I can breath again.

Not too much to share on the infertility front. AF should be arriving on Thanksgiving day unless by some unforeseen miracle she doesn't come. However, we been trying for FOREVER (2 yrs 3 mo. since my last miscarriage; 4yrs 4 mo. all together), so I'm not really looking for any unexpected surprises. I did begin an herbal supplement a month or so ago to improve my reproduction health. I hope it will help to get my FSH to decrease. (Last checked it was 14 which isn't too high, but should be less than 10.)

K and I haven't talked any more about IVF. I think we both know that we just don't have the funds right now to do that. If we must resolve to do IVF, there really isn't so much of a time restraint as I am 28 now(he's 31), and have been told we'd probably have to use donor eggs anyway. I think about it everyday still--should I? Shouldn't I? I just can't find enough pros that out weigh the cons, especially taken on the emotional and financial stress should it fail since our insurance doesn't cover IVF. Point blank--I'm scared!

Something to look forward to, K surprised me with an early birthday present by buying me tickets to go see this band. They are my favorite band and I can not wait to see them live again. They will be playing in Charlotte 2 days before my birthday. How exciting!!!!!

Thanksgiving is 2 days away. I can't wait to eat, nap, and eat some more. I love taking naps on Thanksgiving. I love napping any day actually, but I love that I can eat as much as I want, and blame my sleeping on the turkey.

As you gather around your tables this week and thank God for all he has given you, don't forget those unable to attend the festivities with his/her family who are serving in the military. Whether you agree or disagree with the war, at least support our troops while they are there.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thankful Thursday

Oh my...can you believe that it's only a week away from Thanksgiving? Where does the time go? I forgot to do Thankful Thursday last week, so first off, I am thankful that I remembered this week.

I am thankful to work among a caring department. Each year we collect an entire Thanksgiving dinner and give it to a needy family for the Holidays. We collected 4 huge boxes of food and I personally know the family and that it will be graciously accepted. I am thankful that my co-workers embrace this idea each year and give to help make someone else have a Happy Thanksgiving.

I am thankful that my grandmother is feeling better. She's been sick on-off for a while now. I am thankful that she hasn't had any new blood clots develop and that she seems to be on the road to recovery.

I am thankful that K had a safe week at work. Long story short, he works at a bank and someone attempted to rob it this week. However, the criminal didn't do his homework. K's bank closes the lobby each day from 1:30-3pm so when he came up to the door with his black ski mask on, he couldn't get in. (Thank you Lord, for I know this wasn't an accident.)

I am thankful that the local police apprehended this man before he could rob any other business or person.

I am thankful that next week is a short work week. (Can I get and AMEN to that one?)

I am thankful for my good health, friends, family, and readers. May God bless each of you this Thanksgiving!

4 Things

'Four things' about me that you may or may not have known, in no particular order.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Cashier at a Grocery Store
2. Pre-school Teacher
3. Administrative Assistant for the Company I still work for.
4. Retail Accountant

Four movies I Have watched more than once:
1. Overboard--I just love that movie and watch it almost every time it's on TV.
2. Facing the Giants--those in the infertility circle who haven't seen this movie, it is GREAT!
3. Elf--my family watches this movie each year on Thanksgiving while stuffing our faces!
4. John Q--probably one of my all time favorite movies. I love Denzel Washington, and this movie is one of his best!

Four TV Shows I Watch Faithfully
1. The Young & The Restless--been watching for 15 years now! And shhh...K watches too.
2. Gray's Anatomy
3. Two and a Half Men--hilarious show!
4. America's Most Wanted

Four Places I have Vacationed
1. Myrtle Beach, SC
2. Cocoa Beach, FL
3. Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
4. Charleston, SC

Four of my Favorite Foods:
1. Sushi (only certain rolls though)
2. Mexican
3. Pizza
4. Fruit

Four Places I would rather be right now:
1. With my husband
2. Anywhere sunny and tropical (I'm not a picky person)
3. Heaven
4. Snuggled up under the covers, napping.

Four Things I am looking forward to this year
1. Christmas
2. Making new friends
3. Returning to School--again!
4. Paying off some debt

Four Hobbies I have:
1. Scrapbooking when time permits.
2. Teaching myself to play guitar.
3. Reading
4. Exercising occasionally

Tag, you are it! Your turn to tell me 4 things about you.

Thankful Sunday

Hello All!

What a busy week! I have had so many things going on lately. Forgot to do Thankful Thursday, so I am doing it today.

I am thankful that K was able to go hunting with his dad. He left on Wed and didn't get back until Saturday. I am thankful that he has a great relationship with his dad and thankful that he wants to spend time with him. I am thankful that he's home now, because I missed him tremendously. Makes me wonder what I ever did the first 22 years of my life without him.

I am thankful that I was able to do some girl stuff this week. I had dinner with a friend on Thursday night who I hadn't seen in quite some time. She and I had a huge falling out, so I am thankful that time heals all wounds and that the healing process has began. I am thankful for her son, H, who is almost 4. K and I are his godparent's and we had really missed him.

I am thankful that I had dinner with another friend, J, and my sister, L, on Friday. I am thankful to have had a BFF for 20 years and that my sister and I have actually grown up and learned to appreciate each other and embrace our differences.

I am thankful that other bloggers care about me when I go MIA. I am thankful that I found this blog.

I am thankful that even though I have missed 2 weeks of bible study that I am still doing the work. I am thankful that I will be able to go tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a blessed week!