Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Coping with Mother's Day and Father's Day

I found this article on the RESOLVE website. I think this is a tough time for all of us right now. Every year, around Mother's Day, I feel so depressed and numb. I lose all sense of hope, happiness, and faith I have about having my own children. I don't feel like getting out of bed each morning, I don't feel like worshipping God. I don't feel any other way, but broken.

As these holiday's pass, I feel better, but getting through them is the most difficult thing I do each year. I know I'm not alone, even though it may feel as if I am. Most of you know how difficult these days are for me, because they are also difficult days for you. So, let us lift up one another in prayer for strength, guidance, and renewed faith. Maybe next year, they won' t be so hard for us. I hope this helps, dear friends.

Coping with Mother's Day and Father's Day

It can be particularly difficult to face the many emotional issues raised by infertility at a time when everyone is celebrating motherhood and fatherhood. RESOLVE urges men, women and couples who are experiencing infertility to plan ahead for Mother's Day and Father's Day, acknowledge their feelings and prepare themselves emotionally to handle questions and comments from family and friends.
RESOLVE suggests the following:

Take a Proactive Stance
Think ahead about the day and plan a strategy in advance. Don't wait until the holiday is upon you to make plans.

Focus on Your Parents/Grandparents or Special Parental Figure
Make this a special time for them. If a family gathering is planned and it will be pleasant for you, go and enjoy. But, if lots of children or pregnant relatives will be present, and you know this will be upsetting, consider other possibilities. You might plan to see your mother/father at another time during the weekend.

Recognize Potential Painful Situations
Restaurants, for example, may be a source of discomfort. They may ask if you are a mother or a father in order to give you a complimentary item. Be prepared for this question so you are not taken off-guard.

Consider Joining a Support Group
A support group will help you feel less isolated, empower you with knowledge and validate your emotional response to the life crisis of infertility. Visit the RESOLVE Calendar of Events to find a support group in your area.

Speak to Your Minister or Rabbi
Before a religious service, talk with your clergyperson (or write a letter) and educate him/her about the experience of infertility. Perhaps he/she would be willing to say a prayer or offer words of support for those struggling with this crisis.

Plan an Enjoyable Day Together
It is important to work as a couple during these difficult days. Consider tuning out the holiday emphasis entirely and make it an opportunity for a fun day together plan a day outdoors to go hiking, bicycling, or walking on a beach. See that movie you've wanted to see or create a special meal.

For more information:
Call a local RESOLVE HelpLine
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by the holidays, whenever you need someone to talk to, our peer counselors will be happy to listen and to offer RESOLVE resources. Give us a call. You are not alone! Mother's Day/Father's Day chat


Fertilized said...

i think the "talk to your spiritual leader" is very important - this day at church is so focused and exclusive - that MANY (including myself) withdraw from the sermon, god, people around them etc. leading up to this day because it is so inclusive.

thinkig of you

gracechild said...

very thoughful of you to post this. thanks

Alison said...

Thanks for this Elaine. This morning I was just thinking how facing this weekend has really changed for me within the past few days. I really needed this post. You are the greatest!

soapchick said...

Thanks for sharing that. I'm going to just focus on my mom and mother-in-law and hope that it takes away any pangs of pain.

Jen and Carter's life in the busy world said...

Thank you for the post, it was very enlightening,I was not looking for to the weekend. Hang in there, praying for you.

Alex & Jill said...

My husband and I have already been talking about how I'm going to get through ANOTHER Mother's Day. I've been asked to sing that Sunday in church and am trying to decide if I can do it or not. Seems to just get harder and harder every year.

Thank you for posting this...I'll say a prayer for you Sunday.