After careful consideration and time to reflect and pray, I wish to address you specifically Anonymous. I'll paraphrase your comment, but basically you said that you read most of my posts. You said that you had been trying to have a baby for roughly 2 years, and that you were so disappointed in my quick reaction to stop pursuing foster parenting as soon as I got pregnant. You said you continued to read in hoping that I would finish fostering--and that I was just like everyone else...quick to pity those who haven't been able to conceive. Then you told me in closing thank you for wasting your time.
Ouch! Did you really see me that way?
If you read my blog you will know that while I was pursing fostering, I was also returning to school to be a teacher, right? And that when I found out I was pregnant and continued to pursue my teaching degree, I knew there wasn't enough hours in the day to work full time, go to school, be pregnant, and give a foster child the attention he/she desperately needs and deserves. If you know anything about a foster program, then you know that it isn't just stepping into the parenting role. There are other duties it includes, which aren't limited to parental visits, doctors, and court dates. All of those tasks seemed relatively possible before I conceived my son. I was his only protector, as he was in my womb, and I'm sorry if you don't understand that he was my first priority.
Yes, I did stop pursuing fostering. I will take ownership of that decision. But it wasn't a decision I made lightly. I felt as if I were another adult who was letting children down. I wrestled with the guilt it caused. However, if you continued reading then you would also know it is something that my husband and I plan to revisit once I am finished with school.
But, if you see me as someone who feels pity on those who aren't able to conceive, you couldn't be more off base. I am burdened terribly for those who are journeying through the depths of infertility--a journey I walked for 5 years. I pray for those women numerous times per day, and oftentimes these prayers included you without your knowledge. Tonight I will pray for you specifically and for God to give you your deepest hearts desire. I pray that your prayers will soon be answered in addition to the women whom I've connected with on this blog.
I realize I open myself up to negative feedback by posting online. However, I never meant to make anyone feel as if I was flaunting in their face that I was no longer infertile. It will always be part of who I am. I had hoped that my story would give hope to those who had loss all faith in miracles. That was once me, and I felt so alone. If I could make any other person feel less alone...if that is your definition of pity...please seek God to soften your hardened heart.