Friday, October 14, 2011

Reason I've been away...

I've been a bad blogger lately. I haven't had much to say ever since I received my first (what I feel was) hateful comment. My intuition told me to delete it immediately--I knew there was nothing true in it, but I kind of wished I would have shared it with you all.

After careful consideration and time to reflect and pray, I wish to address you specifically Anonymous. I'll paraphrase your comment, but basically you said that you read most of my posts. You said that you had been trying to have a baby for roughly 2 years, and that you were so disappointed in my quick reaction to stop pursuing foster parenting as soon as I got pregnant. You said you continued to read in hoping that I would finish fostering--and that I was just like everyone else...quick to pity those who haven't been able to conceive. Then you told me in closing thank you for wasting your time.

Ouch! Did you really see me that way?

If you read my blog you will know that while I was pursing fostering, I was also returning to school to be a teacher, right? And that when I found out I was pregnant and continued to pursue my teaching degree, I knew there wasn't enough hours in the day to work full time, go to school, be pregnant, and give a foster child the attention he/she desperately needs and deserves. If you know anything about a foster program, then you know that it isn't just stepping into the parenting role. There are other duties it includes, which aren't limited to parental visits, doctors, and court dates. All of those tasks seemed relatively possible before I conceived my son. I was his only protector, as he was in my womb, and I'm sorry if you don't understand that he was my first priority.

Yes, I did stop pursuing fostering. I will take ownership of that decision. But it wasn't a decision I made lightly. I felt as if I were another adult who was letting children down. I wrestled with the guilt it caused. However, if you continued reading then you would also know it is something that my husband and I plan to revisit once I am finished with school.

But, if you see me as someone who feels pity on those who aren't able to conceive, you couldn't be more off base. I am burdened terribly for those who are journeying through the depths of infertility--a journey I walked for 5 years. I pray for those women numerous times per day, and oftentimes these prayers included you without your knowledge. Tonight I will pray for you specifically and for God to give you your deepest hearts desire. I pray that your prayers will soon be answered in addition to the women whom I've connected with on this blog.

I realize I open myself up to negative feedback by posting online. However, I never meant to make anyone feel as if I was flaunting in their face that I was no longer infertile. It will always be part of who I am. I had hoped that my story would give hope to those who had loss all faith in miracles. That was once me, and I felt so alone. If I could make any other person feel less alone...if that is your definition of pity...please seek God to soften your hardened heart.


Leeper's said...

You are a strong woman and the only person you need to answer to is God. People are quick to judge without thinking of the impact their words may have. You made the best decision for you and your family.

Elaine said...

Thanks Kara! You are one of the many friends I've gained by blogging!

Terri said...

You owe no one any explanation. Your decisions are between you, God and your family. You have to do what's right for you and your family and you are being a better person for thinking of others (i.e., the foster children) in realizing that you couldn't provide for them at this point the way you know you need to. That takes a strong person to realize and admit that. You have been nothing but a great inspiration and support for me and others during our infertility journey! Thank you from the bottom on my heart!

Joannah said...

Oh, gosh! I received a comment like that some time ago in response to my decision to forfeit my China adoption to marry Michael. Sheesh!

You had/have good reasons for waiting to continue on with foster parenting. What your critic doesn't realize is that all things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). Our lives are a tapestry that the Lord is weaving together. We may not see how it will all come together here in the present, but one day we certainly will.

If I had not changed directions and married Michael, he more than likely would not have given his life to the Lord prior to his untimely death. The Lord knew that there were many families waiting to adopt a smaller and smaller pool of Chinese orphans, but that my husband had a better chance of hearing the gospel married to a Christian woman than he would have in his previous set of circumstances.

I wish others would not jump to conclusions about such personal decisions. There's nothing wrong with being passionate about fostering or adoption, but you can't impose your convictions upon others. Live your own life!

Kristen said...

I swear I left you a comment on this the other day, but for whatever reason it didn't post!

I'm really sorry that you got such a negative comment. You make decisions based on your circumstances, and no matter how much that you choose to share with us, no one but you knows all the small details that make up that decision. It's YOUR decision to make.

In addition, anyone who is a regular reader knows what a heart that you have for people who are going through infertility. You've encouraged me SO much, and I love your support page!

Don't be discouraged by someone's ignorant remarks.