Friday, March 26, 2010

Hanging In

I'm still here, hanging in. Still spotting on and off, but trusting that this is normal. Yesterday was a really good day--I didn't have any, and my spirit was really encouraged by that. Today, it's back, albeit less than days before. I will be so happy when it's finally gone. Today, I am 6w2d, so it seems like eternity before I make it to the 2nd trimester. Until then, we pray and we ask everyone we know to join us in prayer.

This week has taken on a whole new stress. K's dad had a sudden massive heart attack on Wednesday, but praise God, is expected to make a full recovery. It was a huge wake up call to our family at how precious life can be--here one minute, but gone the next. I am so thankful that he is going to be okay.

I found this on another person's blog and it was so heart warming, that I wanted to share it with many of you. Enjoy!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I WILL be a wonderful mother.

- Author Unknown


Joy said...


trooppetrie said...

Praying, I understand all too well your fears.

The Lynchs said...

Girl I am praying for you!!! So sorry to hear about the heart attack, too.