Hanging In

I'm still here, hanging in. Still spotting on and off, but trusting that this is normal. Yesterday was a really good day--I didn't have any, and my spirit was really encouraged by that. Today, it's back, albeit less than days before. I will be so happy when it's finally gone. Today, I am 6w2d, so it seems like eternity before I make it to the 2nd trimester. Until then, we pray and we ask everyone we know to join us in prayer.

This week has taken on a whole new stress. K's dad had a sudden massive heart attack on Wednesday, but praise God, is expected to make a full recovery. It was a huge wake up call to our family at how precious life can be--here one minute, but gone the next. I am so thankful that he is going to be okay.

I found this on another person's blog and it was so heart warming, that I wanted to share it with many of you. Enjoy!


Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I WILL be a wonderful mother.




- Author Unknown

Everything is okay for now...

I called my OB office first thing this morning and explained my situation. They immediately suggested I come in and see the Dr. who was on-call, Dr. G. I've seen Dr. G only once before, and he seems to be fantastic, although he wasn't Dr. Wonderful. As I am waiting in the patient room, I can feel my heart beginning to race. I did what I think were some deep breathing exercises (I'm not really sure) to calm my nerves. Suddenly, the door opens and in walks Dr. Wonderful. I began to cry tears of joy. I adore him! I feel completely comfortable with him, and I love that he is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get sort of Dr. While I'm explaining to him what is going on, I'm trying to hold it together...he came over and gave me a hug. See why he's called Dr. Wonderful?

He did an internal exam and said everything appeared to be okay. He explained to me for the thousandth time that I am still *high risk* and I can't expect to go through this pregnancy complication-free. He did see a little bit of blood, but feels that it is from the prometrium irritating my cervix.

For peace of mind, he ordered an Ultrasound, but took the time to tell me that he highly anticipated that we would not be able to see a heartbeat. He just wanted to make sure he saw a sack. We did, and he was right, it was too early to see a heartbeat. But he saw two images in the sack, which "may" mean I am carrying identical twins...it's still too early to tell if they both will become embryos...

Wow! Excuse me? Did you just say I "may" be having twins? Yes, twins. "May" being the key word.

After the ultrasound he read the pictures and said that it all looked good. For me to go home and stop worrying. He suggested bringing me back in 2 weeks for another look at the baby/babies--we should definitely see a heartbeat at this time and be able to exclusively determine if there are one or two. So, now we wait until April 15 (I actually have to wait 3 weeks due to scheduling issues) to see the little heart beat(s).

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and your prayers. I am truly thankful for all of you.

A small scare...

When I went to the dr. Wednesday, I was prescribed prometrium to be taken the first 12 weeks vaginally to help strengthen my uterine lining. I noticed Thursday evening that my lower back was really aching. It kind of felt like deja vu and my first m/c. My back always hurts right before AF sweeps in and and makes her presence known. But, I went to bed Thurs and nothing happened.

I worked all day on Friday and my back was still aching. So, last night I decided to go to bed once I put Baby K down for the night. When I inserted the prometrium, I noticed that there was some brownish spotting on the applicator...which immediately sent me hysterical. So, I downed a bottle of water as quickly as I could and went to use the bathroom to check again. Same scenario...nothing passed in the toliet, but when I would wipe, I saw some spotting--more brown than anything...(I realize this is TMI for some of you, I'm sorry)

I fell apart.

I started crying hysterically. I just knew that my stupid body was trying to reject this pregnancy. This morning, when the spotting was still there, I called the dr. on call to report my circumstances. I was quite disappointed that it wasn't Dr. Wonderful on call, and instead I got a dr. who has no inkling of my history or circumstances. However, I was told that this is considereded normal for using prometrium, althought I don't remember it ever occurring with Baby K.

I was told to be on bed rest for 48 hrs and resume all of my high risk precautions (no caffeine, no sex, no meds, etc). I do plan on consulting with Dr. Wonderful on Monday, if nothing more than to ease my mind that my cervix is closed. So after spending about 12 hours on the couch the spotting has stopped, but I am a bit nervous to do tonights suppository.

If you took Prometrium, did this happen to you? If you got pregnant, did you experience any spotting without m/c?

I'm really nervous...and I already love this baby so much, that the thought of losing him/her is completely devestating. Please continue to pray for our safety.

************updated Sunday 9:20pm**********************************
Today has been pretty uneventful. I have spent most of the day lounging around watching TV and reading. The spotting has decreased to a bare minimal. Sometimes when I use the bathroom it's there, while at others it isn't. I hope that's a good sign. I still plan to call the Dr. tomorrow, because let's be honest: I am probably doing more harm to this child stressing out than anything else. I will keep in touch with another update tomorrow.

Also, thank you so much for your kind words for me. Mel, your prayer brought tears to my eyes. I can't tell you how much I needed that.

Hugz to you all!

Update

Good Morning My Friends! Are any of you out there? As you can see, I got really slack on the "Things I Love" blogging in February. As a matter of fact, once my little man turned one, the rest of February is blurry for me. How did life get so busy? More importantly, how can I slow it down? I am working diligently to catch up on all of your blogs and commenting. Thank you for your patience.

Also, big news in the K household...really BIG news. We are


I had my first dr. appt yesterday and I am only 5 weeks--still considered high risk, so I covet your prayers for the next 35 weeks. To say we were surprised would be an understatement---completely shocked sounds more accurate. Now that I've wrapped my head completely around it, we are really excited, and we look forward to the possibility that in November our little family of three will become four...

Take Care!