TGIF...

THANK GOODNESS IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

This has been a stressful week. I think we may have finally gotten our identity theft straightened out. We closed my acct and opened a new acct. I've changed every single password both K and I own. I'm really trying to hate the sin and not the sinner, but I've been so upset with these people! You know, I don't want to get up and go to work every day either (who does, right?), but I do it.... How dare you steal from me...???

Anyway, I am over it and I think we have resolved the problem. Thank goodness for identity theft insurance too!

Go give these folks some support:
Congratulate Andrea on her new home purchase.
Courtney is feeling a bit under the weather.
Please remember Jen & Carter. They are going through a really rough time.
Give Kristen a hug.
Wish Mandy luck. She had an IUI yesterday.
Keep your fingers crossed for Searching as she awaits her job interview results.
Congratulate In Search of Morning Sickness on reaching her 2nd trimester.
Take a peak at Mel's nugget.
Welcome little Andrew to Chris' family.
Congratulate Janna on getting her applications finished and graduating from the crutches!

Have a great weekend!

Still good news...updated with picture

We had our 2nd ultrasound today. The little one was awake and kicking his/her feet. It was very sweet. The heart rate is 178. I'll put up a pic tonight of the ultrasound.

Thank you all for your prayers today!

What a crazy day.....!

We have a newbie to the IF community. Please all stop by Melinda's blog and welcome her with open arms, as I know you all will.

Secondly, I had my identity stolen last night!!! All in all, there are $1973.50 worth of unauthorized transactions on my account. Lucky for me, K manages the bank we use, so he has placed a hold on my account, but this is still very upsetting!!!! I feel so completely violated!

Lastly, tonight we have our CPR class for our fostering license. I was notified that I have to repeat my fingerprints. (The technician said I have the smallest fingers she has ever seen, and that the FBI probably thought she was printing a child.). Then, tomorrow we have our 2nd viability ultrasound. To say I am nervous would be an understatement, so I would appreciate any prayers and well wishes you could throw our way until then.

Hope you are all having a great day (better than me!)

Thoughts...

So, I have finally found enough courage to add my ticker to this page. I have made it to a milestone, 9 weeks. With my last two pregnancies, I never made it this far. That is a bit relieving, but I still have moments where the future seems so uncertain. I have been meditating on God's word regarding my doubt. I found this bible verse today, and it was as if God Himself pointed it out to me.
It is Jeremiah 29:11

I know the plans I have for you....plans for your welfare, not disaster, to give you
a future and a hope.

Per Be.th Moo.re's excerpt from today's entry of her book Breaking Free Day by Day:

We often see ourselves as having such fragile, breakable souls. We live in fear of that which we are certain and convinced we cannot survive. But as children of God we are only as fragile as our unwillingness to turn and hide our face in Him. Our pride alone is fragile. Once it shell is broken and our hearts are laid bare, we can then begin to sense the caress of God's tender care.

Wow! That spoke wonders to me heart. There is another verse that a friend shared with me about hope.

It is Romans 15:13

Now the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and PEACE in BELIEVING, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Praying for us all to hide our face in Him during times that we feel fragile. Praying that we are filled with Hope and Peace in Believing that God is in control.

Some things I've learned....

I went in for my OB work up today. Dr. R said that everything is going just as it should. I just love him--thanks Deidre! (Deidre and I go to the same church and she encouraged me to get a 2nd opinion from my last practice. I had no idea that I was picking her doctor out of the phonebook, but I am so glad he had a biggest ad in the yellow pages.)

Dr. R asked when my next ultrasound was scheduled and I told him Aug 13. He said that seemed a bit long to wait. He confided in me that he and his wife have 3 children, but have had 4 miscarriages along the way. He said he was privileged to be able to have an ultrasound anytime he wanted it--he owned the machine. So, he said he was bringing me back in before that...How about 2 weeks---July 23! That is so awesome. I will be 10 weeks, then I get to have another one at 13 weeks. I just love it!!!!!!! His philosophy is, "he knows I'm stressed out---really stressed after have subsequent losses and years of IF, so he is willing to anything he can to help alleviate that."

Other than that, I was told to supplement my diet with tums 3-4 times per day for the calcium. He also said I needed to be drinking 14-16 glasses of water per day.

Some things I've determined:

• I can't concentrate on anything. I feel a bit frazzled all the time now. I am having a really hard time staying on task at anything I do.
• I think that Wipeout is my newest favorite TV show....EVER. Did you catch last night's episode? (Hilarious!)
• There is NOOOOO way I can drink 14-16 glasses of water per day as recommended by my doctor.
• My comfort food of choice is currently loaded baked potatoes.
• My dreams are uncontrollable these days. Very weird, random stuff that I would never think of.

Hope you are all having a great week!

Back from the beach....

We are now home (sigh!). I had a fabulous time at the beach with my in-laws. I think I've mentioned before how fortunate I am to have married into such a wonderful family. We spent most of our time out on the beach so the boys--D and A--could swim in the ocean. We laughed so many times this week at how silly these boys can be. For instance, they invented this game called "Save yourself or the ball." They would wait until a huge wave was about to start and throw it at each other just as the wave peaked...You could either go for the ball and take a wave to the face or save yourself and miss the ball... Well, let's just say they each took a brutal beating from the ocean and even convinced my hubby, K, and his brother, N, to play. Very funny stuff....

I am back at work in the real world now. I'm playing catch up on my statistic's class and staying very busy.

P mentioned below, feel free to skip.

I feel okay so far. I am 8 weeks today. I haven't really had any morning sickness other than the occasional nausea if I let my stomach get too empty. I feel really nauseous when my feet hit the floor each morning and I have developed an ugly gag reflex. I have had two really bad headaches in the past two weeks, probably from the hormone changes. Since I am a migraine sufferer, I've had to just tough it out. I have been authorized to take Tylenol, but I don't want to do anything at all to risk this baby's health. So....I am coping with ice packs and dark rooms.

I'm a little sluggish, but I think that is from exhaustion from traveling. I have a dr. appt in the morning for my OB work up and to meet with the finance people. I am eager to see if my iron may be a tad on the low side. On the other hand, I have been eating like a horse!

Just wanted to say hello and tell you all that I am still praying for you.

A day late, but here are the pics....

I was suppose to post these pics last night, but didn't get around to it. These are the two clearest pics that I was given. This is my favorite, the heartbeating....

This pic, if you look just left of the arrow, you will see where the baby's head is growing. And, what's really awesome, if you look close enough you can see where the arms are already starting to bud.

We are leaving to go to the beach this afternoon with K's family. We are returning on Sunday. Most of our family is already there, but K, me, and his dad are leaving at 5pm. I wish you all a happy and safe 4th of July, safe travels and blessings.

Elaine

We have a heartbeat! Thank you God!

I just got in from my ultrasound, and we have a heartbeat! The baby's heart was beating 146 beats per minute and was measuring 6w4d. (According to my last cycle, I should be 6w6d.) The tech said this is exactly where the baby should be right now. I am just so unbelievably thankful! The ultra sound tech zoomed in so we could hear the heart beating, and it was the most beautiful sound I think I've ever heard. I am so thankful for all of your prayers and well wishes! I will post pics of the ultra sound later tonight. Due date according to ultra sound is Feb 19, 2009.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful to have made it another day. (One day at a time....)

I am thankful that my statistic's teacher curved our mid-terms by 10 points! Yippee!! That test was so difficult, so I'll take any points she wants to give us!

I am thankful that next week we will be at the beach with all of K's immediate family. Our nephew who is visiting from MT is so excited that we all are going. I can't wait to relax and spend time making new memories with my family. I really am blessed to have married into such a wonderful family.

(Ok, this is kind of cheesy, but...) I'm thankful that I tuned in to watch WIPEOUT on ABC Tuesday night. I laughed until my sides hurt! It felt so good to be laughing that hard at silly stuff. You guys should really tune in next week. Hilarious!

I'm thankful that Chris has been potentially matched with birthparents. I'm thankful Glenna is home safe with her new son, Isaiah.

I'm thankful that our Foster training is complete. We only have CPR, First-Aid, and our Home-study to go. (Casey asked if we still intended to pursue fostering since our recent announcement, and I have to say yes. This is something K and I still feel led to do.)

I'm thankful that it's such a beautiful day!

Thanks Ladies!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who offered your congratulations and prayers. It means so much to me to know you all are here to offer support in good times and bad. I can't put into words what you all (and this blog) have come to mean to me. K and I have decided to only tell a handful of people (parents, siblings, close friends) with the request that they respect our privacy. Basically, we told those people who we know have a strong prayer life and relationship with the Lord. I am humbled to know that I am an answered prayer that so many people had prayed for me. I believe that they prayed when I just couldn't pray about this anymore. I am requesting that those same people continue to pray for the health of this child.

I'll let you all in on something...this has sort of calmed my anxiety. In the Bible, Hannah prayed to the Lord to give her a child under the terms that once God gave her a child, she would give him back to the Lord. This is why so many young families have baby dedications in church services. Well, once I found out I was pregnant, I felt immediately as if I should give the child back to the Lord from within my womb. It doesn't make me a saint, but it just felt appropriate. So, I am trying not to worry about what the next 9 months entails (although this feeling comes and goes). I know this child already belongs to God, and he will enable me to protect and provide for it, as long as it's within His will for our lives.

I pledge to pray for you all in hopes that you too will be sharing good news with the blogging world. I sent an email to a friend which said, "I was told I would have to use donor eggs to get pregnant. Now, I know if God can work a miracle with my eggs, He can do just as mighty things to other eggs and sperm." I will continually pray for God to hear our prayers until they break through Heaven like a flood.

I love you all.

Can you all keep a secret?

I have been impatiently waiting to tell you all.....after 5 years of ttc....and 2 miscarriages....I am currently 6weeks pregnant. My projected due date: Feb 17, 2009.

This came as a total surprise to me and K. I've known for about 2 weeks. It's been so hard not to shout this from the roof tops. I want to be so very excited--but history speaks loudly, and I am so very scared.

I called my doc on June 12 and told him of my positive test. He wanted me to come in immediately. I saw the nurse who loaded me down with vitamins, magazines, pamphlets... At one point, I had to just say..."I really appreciate you giving me all this stuff, but I'm just not ready to be reading any pregnancy magazines." She understood. I didn't get to see the doc, but he prescribed progesterone suppositories to be taken at night until I am 12 weeks.

I actually had to go back to the doc last week because I developed a UTI. This time, I was able to see Dr. R himself. He asked me how I felt. I explained I was cautiously over the moon. He then asked me if I had any ultrasounds scheduled. I told him the nurse set my first two appointments (July 9th for an OB workup; Aug 13 ultrasound--I would be 13 weeks). He asked how I felt about that, and I told him I was really nervous of another blighted ovum. So, he is bringing me in early for a vitality ultrasound.

This is set for Monday, June 30. Please, please, please....don't stop praying for me now. I want so much to believe that this time will be different. I know that God already knows the outcome. Each morning, I say to myself, "Elaine, we just have to make it though today...." I am trying not to worry about the future, but as you can tell, my anxiety is at a peak.

We finished up our foster parent training this past weekend. We still have our home study to do, and CPR/First Aid.

To all my sweet friends....I've felt defeated more times than I could count on this IF journey. I learn every day that the Lord still answers prayers. Whatever happens, we will thank him for giving us the time we have had to love this little one whom we've never met.

What I would give to meet this little one.... I am high risk, and I have been ordered by Dr. R to abstain from sex until 8-10 weeks. He wants to see the baby's heart beat first. So, please, please pray for a healthy baby next Monday....with a good, strong heart beat.

Happy Monday!

I hope you are all doing well. I had an extremely busy week last week. K and I are almost finished with our fostering training. We actually only have 2 classes left! The past 3 weeks have passed so quickly!

I have a midterm at school on Wednesday for my statistics class. I am looking forward to kissing this class goodbye, and I am relieved that it is half-way over! On the other hand, I can't wait for my Education program to start this fall! I love school---it's such a good distraction for me.

There are so many things going on right now, but I will save for another post. I will appreciate your continued prayers.

Praying for you all!
Elaine

Update....

Hello all! I must say first and foremost, I miss you all so much! I have been reading your posts and commenting here and there. Things are going full speed ahead for me at the moment, so if you feel neglected or forgotten, you certainly aren't.

Updates:

School: I am doing better at my statistic's class right now. I am actually about a week ahead of schedule, so that has really helped take a load off my shoulders.

Beach: The girls beach trip was so much fun. I can't wait to do that again sometime in the near future. One thing happened though that no one expected. One of the girl's who went with us received a call early last Saturday that her house had caught fire the night before. She was actually allowing someone to house sit for her while at the beach. Everyone made it out safe, pets included, but she lost almost everything. The only clothes she currently has is the one's she took with her to the beach. We are all scrambling around like crazy trying to help anyway that we can, but she is very upset. Please remember her in your prayers. I don't think she's a Christian, but I am not sure. I couldn't imagine handling something like that without the grace God provides during tragedy.

Fostering: We have now completed 1/3 of our training. K and I both have been fingerprinted and completed our physicals. This week, we have 2 classes (Meeting Developmental Needs-Discipline & Strengthening/Continuing Family Relationships). I can't believe the things I have learned so far about foster children, myself, my husband. I continue to believe that this is God's plan for our lives, but request your continued prayers. I know that if/when a child is placed in our care that it will be a huge transition for everyone involved.

Please be patient as I am posting less often right now. On top of all this other stuff we have going on, our nephew will be here tomorrow. He lives in MT with his mother. We only get to see him once per year (in the summer). So, we have to pack into 6 weeks what we give our other niece/nephews in an entire year. Not a lot of down time for us right now...and I feel a little sleep deprived!!!! (That is my favorite hobby....and I am finding less and less time to enjoy it these days.)

Love and prayers for you all!

Peeking in....

I've been the epiphany of a busy bee lately. First, my on-line class has began. I am officially a student--yippee! I am taking statistics, and if I can, I'd like to go ahead and insert a vent here: I had forgotten how HARD that is! I've never taken an on-line class because, frankly I am not too disciplined to make myself study on my own schedule. However, I can honestly say, I've spent so much time on this class already and I am only starting the second week!

Fostering update: I've taken my physical and went this morning for my TB shot. I have to go back on Thursday to have the TB shot looked at, then I can check that off of the million things I have left to do for this program. K has his physical next week. Our training sessions begin June 3 and will last until June 21. We have to go to class every Tues/Thur night and all day on Saturday for 3 weeks. (So, I've been trying to work ahead in my Statistics class so I am not so overwhelmed in June.)

Birth mother update: If you are wondering what I am speaking of, you can read this entry. The birth mother has had our attorney information for 2 1/2 weeks now, and she still hasn't called. She may have changed her mind, which she has every right to do. However, I hope and pray she calls soon to let me know one way or the other. If we will be taking in her baby, we need to be getting ready for that transition. She's due in June...and June is almost here!!!!

This weekend: I am going on a long awaited girls trip to the Beach. We have 13 girls going, some of which I don't really know, but I am looking forward to getting to know better. I've never gone on an all girls trip, but I am really looking forward to it. It will be short lived, but I just love the beach and will use any excuse I can to go there. Not to mention, my friends have been so supportive of me and this journey. I can't wait to get in some girl-time. I was presently surprised when K said I could go, because we haven't ever been away from each other for things like this. Sure, he's had business trips and such, but he's never gone on a guy trip.

I think that's about it for now. I was just peeking in to give you all an update and wish you all a great week!!!!!

Oppps.....

I sort of kind of made a boo-boo.... I "tried" to change the layout of my page and in doing so lost all of the favorite blogs I visit. Please leave me a comment here so I can link back to all of you wonderful people if you don't see your name listed on my blogroll.

Orientation...

It's a go. We are in for the long haul. I am so excited! Orientation lasted about 2 hrs last night. We were told what we could expect from the agency, as well as what was to be expected of us. Our first training session begins June 3. We will have training on Tues/Thurs nights and Saturday all day. We will complete our last training June 21.

The entire process from start to finish is about 4 months. You have to have home studies, fire inspections, physicals, criminal background checks, fingerprinting, training in CPR/First Aid, Medication administration, and blood born pathogens. Then you must wait until a child comes along with the specific needs that you are most suited to foster.

I am really excited about the agency we chose. They provide so much emotional support to their families. The kids they care for also get some special privileges that some other agencies may or may not do.

Overall, I can't wait to get it started. I feel so excited...you would have thought I just saw 2 pink lines! That would be nice too, but this feels right for us at this time.

My physical is set for May 22. That will be my first check mark!

Thank you for your prayer support during this time. We will be busy (I start back school too), but it will be all worth it in the end!

Thankful Thursday

I am so grateful for each of you who offered me encouragement to yesterday's post. The five year mark is approaching, and that has really been a hard milestone to swallow. I appreciate each of your kind words. So, today, I am thankful, so very thankful for all of you.

I am thankful that I didn't leave Dr. R's office in tears yesterday. Last time, he was out of the office and the new dr. was very insensitive. Dr. R. came right in and said, "I told you, I don't want to see you unless your pregnant...." I just love him. He has the optimism I need, and I appreciate his honesty with me. For now, same protocol....Femera cd 3-7, Estrogen cream cd 3-7, Mucinex cd 10-17, and lots and lots of "quality" time with K. (Which K definitely appreciates :)

I am thankful for Jen, who shared this scripture with me yesterday... It was very encouraging to me, and I thought I would pass it on to you.

James 1:12 (NIV)

God Blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

And after reading that, I read this:

...Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. If you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

James 2-6 (NIV)

I am thankful that tonight is our first fostering class. (I will try to update later tonight or tomorrow.)

I am thankful for so many things today...but mostly that my mood seems better and that changes my outlook on almost everything.

It's time I fessed up....

I skipped out on church services on Sunday. I'm not proud of that fact. Even that afternoon as the rain poured down, I felt as if God was crying with me...about me....for me when I didn't have any energy left to cry. Instead, I stayed in bed in the confinement of my safe haven, and ignored that this day was to celebrate those who give life... After all, I am not to be included in this category, and I am finally coming to terms with that I may never be. Why can't they change it to "women's day" to make it not hurt so much? The lines are clearly defined that this is to celebrate "mother's". I have two precious babies in Heaven. So, does that make me a mother? Not to anyone who looks at me hear on Earth. Except me. That's a sour attitude, I know. I've been like this for about a week and have finally been taking my anxiety meds again. I hope this soon passes, but after 5 years I think IF has finally taken it's toll on me. I feel completely defeated at this point.

On another note, AF was set to appear on Saturday and never showed her ugly face. I spent most of Sunday praying, Lord, please not let her come to today...any day but today. So, she came Monday. (See Ladies, the Lord still answers prayers.) Today I have an appt with Dr. R. I'm completely clueless as to what he will want to do next. This was our 4th failed month on oral meds so he may stop those completely.

We also start our first foster parenting classes tomorrow. I am excited, but this state of mind has sort of ruined that to me. It's a new venture, a road we haven't traveled before. For that I am deeply grateful and excited. It's also sort of closure on what were my hopes of having biological children. For that, I am deeply sad.

How have you kept IF from affecting your relationship with the Lord? How do I get back there?

Those Who Make My Day....

There is an award being passed around. I feel completely honored to have received this recognition from Alison. What a humbling way to feel like your words of encouragement are welcomed and appreciated. I want to pass on the honor to the blogs that inspire and encourage me. These women are truly remarkable, and I know that God has had a hand in our paths crossing via the world wide web. All of you are an important part of this IF journey for me. You provide healing, comfort, and happiness to my sometimes "empty" heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alison, I must return the favor. You are such a sweet friend to me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words and encouragement on my posts. You have welcomed me with open arms into the blogging community. I know that you will make the most awesome mother one day, because you are the greatest friend anyone could ask for.

Deidre, you introduced me to blogging. You lead me to a verse in God's word (Phil 4:11) that has held me together more times than I can count. You are an example of answered prayer, my prayer, and that gives me comfort. I know that I can depend on you (and Pam) for Godly guidance and prayers when I need them. Thank you for being such a special person to me. Thank you for always praying for me. Thank you mostly for being such a Godly example for me.

Jill and Andrea, your posts on Mother's Day were very inspiring to me. I know that God is using you and your blogs to minister to broken hearts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts publiclly with us.

Rebecca, you and I met on another blog. I am so glad you followed me over to this site. I am so excited that you are now expecting your second son. You and I journeyed this dreaded road together for months. Although our roads have now parted and our lives have taken different directions, I couldn't be more grateful to call you my friend.

Janna, Chris, Glenna, and Jen...all of my fellow adoption (in some sort of form) buddies. You were all inspiring to us to proceed forward with fostering children. We hope that fostering leads us to a child that God has hand picked to be placed permanently in our family. I will be following each of your journey's closely over the next few months and I will probably have boo-coos of questions for you all. You have made me truly realize that being a good mother isn't composed of having the same DNA.

I could go on and on. You all are so very special to me. These blogs are usually the one's I check first. You all make my day in your own unique way. I am so thankful that I can share my inner most thoughts and heartaches with you precious people and know that no judgement is given. I am thankful to know that I have you to pray for me, and that I too can pray for you. I am so very thankful to call you all friends....we are our own tight knit family in a way.

I love you all very much!

So much to do....so little time.

Hello all.

I have so much going on right now. Although tax season has came and gone, it seems that a million other things have taken it's place. I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment with life in general. So, sorry for my absence friends. On another note, I have so much to tell...

First off, my classes start next week. Yay! I can not wait to make this career change. I really believe as if teaching will be a good fit for me and my personal goals. K is also getting his Master's right now, so things have been very busy around our home.

Secondly, we have decided to become foster parents. I haven't shared this with you before, because we have talked about it on several occasions, and never moved forward with it. However, I am happy to report that as of yesterday, we have officially filled out the application and sent it in. We have our first class 05/15/2008. At that time, I will know much more to pass on. Once we receive a child, I may have to postpone going back to school or cut back on my schedule. That's a sacrifice I am prepared to make when I have to cross that bridge.

Thirdly, we have been "sort of" approached about possibly adopting a newborn baby that is due to make his grand appearance in June. Yes, HIS. It's a very long story, but basically someone I know was actually approached by this birthmother about adopting her baby. My friend told this mother, she just couldn't. She's a grandmother now, and she just felt too old to take on the responsibility of a newborn. However, she made mention of us. Now, the birthmother (BM) is considering letting us adopt her son. The BM wants everything to be anonymous, so she has our attorney's information. Now, we wait for her to call. If she does....

I don't want to become emotionally involved in all of this, because it still sounds a bit too good to be true. I would like nothing more than to take this baby, but I am just praying that God will help me contain my feelings until things are more certain. She could change her mind, and she has that right.

Please keep us in your prayers, as the future seems so uncertain for us at this time.

Elaine